We love our girlfriends. We love chatting, texting, visiting, calling, writing, facebooking–the list goes on and on. But what happens when a friendship flounders? When time, distance, life events, or interests cause the friendship bonds to loosen or even break…
Guest blogger DENISE J. HART helps us understand some of the causes of slipped friendships and shares her ideas about how to mend those strained or damaged friendships. What are your ideas for repair friendships, girlfriend?
You and your BFF can chat for two or three hours nonstop at least once a week and your bond is so tight she can finish your thought practically before you even think it. Sound familiar? Hands down, these friendships are the best friendships! They help us maintain our equilibrium during the best and toughest of times. We never want it to end, and for good reason.
However, occasionally, our friendships can get a little off balance. Maybe you’ve joined a group that’s filled you with new thoughts and ideas and your BFF just doesn’t agree or you’ve lost tons of weight and she fell off the wagon and never got back on. Now, instead of long phone chats you’re trading a quick text once a week.
Other friends may even suggest that your BFF has now entered the dreaded “jealousy zone”. Maybe you’re inclined to agree with them. I’d like to suggest that before you lump your girlfriend in the jealous category, take a moment to think about things from a slightly different perspective.
It’s true, it can be painful when our growth somehow sabotages our friendships. However, your growth is your most important contribution you can make to the world. When you’re in alignment with the law of growth, you are more apt to fulfill your purpose in life. Your first decision is to always love and embrace your growth. Never hide it, but also never flaunt it. You might spend some time reflecting and honestly examine if you’ve been flaunting your growth.
You might consider that your BFF’s seeming jealousy may be stimulated by her own unexpressed desires and life goals. If you realize this is the case, I’d like you to think of your friend with compassion and understanding.
Sometimes our growth reminds our friends of their own neglect. They can now see that they’ve been repressing the urge within themselves to improve their life. It may start to feel like you moving forward is intended to leave her behind. You know that’s not true, but she doesn’t.
Ultimately, the most beneficial mindset you can have in this kind of situation is to remain focused on love and understanding. Expressing the transformative positive feelings of love and understanding towards yourself and your friend.
Here’s a few tips that may help you get things back on track:
1. Take a short break – perhaps, through giving each other space and time to adjust, in her own time she’ll recognize what’s behind her feelings and start to make changes in her own life.
2. Write a letter -but ask permission to do so and clarify that the purpose is to get to the heart of things so you can get things back on track.
3. Be a Catalyst, extend Invitations – if you realize that there’s some truth to your friend not having a zest for her own life, you can extend invitations, phrased as “Maybe we can do _____ together. I’m starting to lose my mojo doing it by myself.” Sometimes people just need to get in motion and commit to something, to get their confidence and ideas flowing in the right direction.
Trust that your friendship can survive. Since you value your friendship, above all, remember, love is the ultimate motivator and healer.
DENISE J. HART, Creativity Life Coach, is committed to serving the planet as a conduit for the message of truth, love and possibility. She thrives on helping women radically transform their mindset for a more meaningful life and career. She’s the author of the forthcoming book, “Your Daily Mindset Mojo – insightful messages from the heart helping women experience more meaning, fulfillment & joy!” Receive your own free daily Mindset Mojo Messages at 365daysofmindsetmojo.com
Let’s make 2013 a special year – filled with friends and gratitude. Sounds like the winning combination for a wonderful year!
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