“Why won’t she do this? It makes so much sense and she would be so much happier.” Have you ever heard yourself think this about a girlfriend? Or have you wished a friend would do something for you and she just doesn’t?
Girlfriend Guru LISA SARICK reminds us that not all girlfriends are alike. Having different friends with different interests, different strengths, different skill sets is part of what makes having friends so wonderful. Have you thanked a girlfriend for being herself recently?
Sometimes we naturally (and wisely) seek out the girlfriend we need for a particular situation, or event, or a kind of help. I remember knowing instantly who I needed to help me pack my things and move them out of the home I had shared with my husband of nine years. I called the girlfriend with the plan! The one whose junk drawer has sections and labels. The one who is on time, with make-up on, wherever we go. I knew she could make it no nonsense – just about the stuff and getting it in boxes. She came armed with a fat Sharpy and tape. It was cut and dry decisions about what to keep, donate, or toss. I was tired and grateful at the end of the day.
Here’s the truth: We’re not all good at everything. We have natural talents and inclinations…All of us, our girlfriends included. Some are baby people, some are not into dogs, some are super-great at organizing, others at listening and saying the perfect thing even if it’s nothing, and another cannot tolerate seeing us unhappy. And yet, we sometimes expect a friend to be there for us in a particular way or show up when we feel we need her…and are let down.
There is a saying that can be often heard at Al-Anon meetings –
Don’t go to the hardware store for a loaf of bread.
To me it means that it’s unreasonable to expect anyone to be all things. Often when we are disappointed, or even betrayed, by a friend, it’s only that person being perfectly who they are. Perhaps our expectations are the problem. I mean, you KNOW who’s going to be late, who might forget, who won’t call you back, and who is too busy to help you paint your bedroom, right?
Accept everyone for who they are and who they are not.
It’s a way to see the beauty of their unique skills and gifts.
It’s a way to NOT be continuously irritated with at least one friend.
It’s a way to love.
Practice it wildly and freely. Try it on your mom, or your sister, or that person at work. Accept what you know is the reality of who they are and have been and are probably going to be in the future. It’s not personal against you. It’s who they are.
If they are a hardware store, you can get nails there. Great. But don’t go there for bread. There’s a bakery just around the corner, isn’t there?
LISA SARICK (A.K.A. Rev. Lisa) is an Interfaith Minister, Yoga Instructor, and Spiritual Guide. She guides people seeking peace to go beyond the limits of their minds to the freedom of their spirit. She holds 1-on-1 sessions, officiates ceremonies, and founded Moon Circle, an online gathering for women friends. Her home on the web is LisaSarick.com.
Thanks LISA! And thanks for sharing these other Girlfriend Guru blog posts:
- Be Your Own Friend
- Blessing for a Friendship
- The Gift of Being Unsure
- Helping Girlfriends Move Forward
- Birthday Ritual Celebration Ideas
- Moon Circle | A Girlfriend Love Story
- Advice for little Girlfriends | 10 Things They Need to Know
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