Well, girlfriend SOMMER POQUETTE shares her journey on the road to fitness with us both here and on our BlogTalkRadio show today at 2pm ET.

Wardrobe Malfunction: I am Fat and Nothing Fits

Have you ever had to lie down on your bed to button your jeans? OR jump up and down and when they finally buttoned you could not breath?

Girlfriend, me too!

In fact, I really just swore off jeans and went with my husband’s flannel pajama bottoms around the house, stretchy workout capris with the largest hoodie I could find and when I had to get dressed up I wore stretchy black dress pants.

It’s pathetic. And, when I realized how out of control it had gotten, I let it get worse. I felt helpless, not knowing where to start and knowing I had failed so many times before. Queen yo-yo right here!

Smack

That’s what it took ladies; I had to smack myself upside the head. Someone had to do it! My BMI was way too high and did you know there’s an obesity epidemic ? I was having heart palpitations and frankly I was having a wardrobe malfunction to the worst degree and hiding behind my computer just was not going to cut it!

To say good-bye to the blogger butt, Facebook flab and Twitter handles I had to make a change that would last and that meant some behavior modifications. Not only that, I also needed a support system to jump start my weight loss dream into action.

Three Things You Can Do Today

Three things that I believe are working for me {I’m officially down 18 inches and 25 pounds in less than four months}:

1. Move. I had to start moving not just exercising my fingers. Park the furthest parking spot away from the grocery store door. Watch my shows on DVR and do sit-ups, push-ups and lunges during commercial breaks. Do 20 jumping jacks every half hour I’m at the computer. Move!

2. Calorie Reduction and Bye-Bye Wine. Don’t faint, I still indulge but not as often. My calorie intake and portion size was too high. I started eating on small plates, eating half my meal when we order out and drinking water before each meal. Having a high protein inch loss program for breakfast and lunch with teas, snacks and a supplement that I enjoy has helped me stay on track.

3. Snooze. My insomniac issue has probably helped me gain weight these last three years, the research says it’s probably so. Watching television to fall asleep, not unwinding and yes staying up to work on the computer led to late night snacking and hence empty calories. I had to make a diligent effort to unwind at night so I could fall asleep. Darken my room, drink some relaxing tea and go to bed. This is a struggle for me each night but I know the ZZZZ’s are related to a healthy life so I’m trying.

I’m not a weight loss expert but I know about struggling to lose weight, making excuses, and losing and gaining the same 15 pounds over and over. Hopefully sharing what is working for me will help you because I know there are a lot of people reading this right now who can identify with wearing the hubby’s sweats and not having anything that fits. It’s miserable, and after all, don’t we deserve to feel sexy, confident, and wear a pair of jeans without leaving marks that scar us – emotionally and physically?!

SOMMER POQUETTE is the blogger behind Green and Clean Mom, author of My Mommy is a Blogger and social media consultant for the Shaklee Corporation.

JOIN US on Friday, February 3 at 2pm ET as we chat with Sommer on our BlogTalkRadio show!

More diet, fitness and health girlfriend advice:

• The Faux Diet Queen reviews the Cinch Diet
• Interview with Wellness & Weight Coach Jana Currie
• Jana’s advice on how to turn around the course of your life
• Interview with the Thrifty Mama Crystal Collins on eating healthy
• Crystal’s girlfriend advice on getting healthy with your friends
  

The Faux Diet Queen (or as we affectionately call her, FDQ) has agreed to share her latest (and last) weight loss journey with us as a regular feature at Girlfriendology. We hope you’ll join us to cheer her on, nudge her back on track when she strays, and generally giggle along.

I look at each new diet as an adventure. Like Ponce de Leon, I am convinced that each plan, each regimen, each approach will bring me one step closer to being thin and looking younger. Unlike good ol’ Ponce, I’ll settle for shedding some unwanted poundage and looking my age.

So how happy was I when my girlfriend offered to let me try the Shaklee Cinch program for a month. Whoo hoo!

Here’s the idea with Cinch.

1. You get a big box delivered right to your door. I love packages, don’t you? Especially the ones that contain food. No shopping, no parking spaces, no eating an entire day’s worth of calories from the try-its placed strategically around the grocery store. Opening the box is fun too—an un-birthday present that no one else in the house is allowed to touch.

2. You use the Cinch products for breakfast, lunch, and snack and provide your own dinner. One of the challenges I have with most diets is not wanting to eat differently than the rest of the family at dinner, so this sounded pretty good to me.

3. You lose weight. I am on this. The Cinch program provides an instant tea. Actually it’s called Pomegranate Energy Tea Mix, which you pour into water, mix, and slurp. (Slurping is optional.) Cinch recommends you have the tea mid-morning. Which is a fine thing mid-morning, but left me un-caffeinated while I made my breakfast shake … have I mentioned I hate cleaning the kitchen before I go to work? The tea was ok by itself, but much better with some sweetener in it. It would probably be quite nice with a bagel, but there weren’t any bagels in the box. You make the shakes by mixing the protein powder with skim milk and “shaking like you mean it.” It probably would have been easier if I used the blender, but then I’d have had to clean the blender and I’m in an anti-cleaning mode at the moment. So I simply poured milk into a measuring cup, got out a whisk, and whisked like I meant it. I generally added sweetener and cinnamon too. Yum!

The shake mixes come in vanilla, strawberry, chocolate, and latte. All I can say is that whoever thought that sending only two servings of the latte flavor was appropriate made a Big Mistake. It was my fav.

The program provides meal replacement bars (much easier to tote around on those days when refrigeration isn’t handy) flavored in blueberry and peanut butter. Meal replacement bars are good sized bars.

The snack bars, on the other hand, are small. Shockingly small. Microscopically, shockingly small. But, like jewelry, good things can come in small packages. Tiny those snack bars might be, but they were quite filling and satisfying. Three flavors come in the box: chocolate, peanut butter, and lemon cranberry. BFF was trying the Cinch program at the same time I was and I convinced her to trade flavors of snack bar. I leave it to you to figure out which ones I scurried off with.

On the Cinch plan, you drink a lot of water. A LOT of water. In fact, I highly recommend investing in high quality toilet paper, because you will be visiting the restroom more than you might be used to. The plan also has a 3 in 1 boost pill you’re supposed to take at each meal. They definitely help you feel full and presumably help you lose weight if you remember to take them. IF you remember to take them, heavy emphasis on the IF. In the Faux Diet Queen world, pills are not a food and therefore not easy to remember.

My Not-Even-Close-to-Humble Opinion I have to say, I really liked the regimentation of the Cinch plan. There was virtually no thinking involved for two-thirds of the day (those of you about to say that there is virtually no thinking in my world the entire day can just go mind your own business thank you very much). I tend to get hungry around 11am, and I found it easy to tell myself I couldn’t have anything to eat until lunch. I liked the flavors of the shakes and the bars for the most part. I also really liked that I didn’t have to go shopping for weird foods that can only be bought in inconvenient quantities.

What I didn’t like was going from the structure of having two meals and a snack carefully planned out to wild freedom of dinner. Oh, the plan sent along guidelines. But since the rest of the day didn’t require paying attention to guidelines, I found myself snarfing everything in sight (and several things I had to hunt down) for dinner. I also found it harder to stay on plan (and to drink my daily ocean of water) on the weekends.

Cinch sent along a food tracker. I truly believe I would have been even more successful if I’d used it. It just seemed so silly to use it to track the snack bar, y’know? And somehow, by dinnertime, the idea of starting tracking my food for the day seemed, well…I never used it.

Did I lose weight? I most certainly did. I lost 3.5 pounds in three weeks. Which I think is pretty darn good. And when you take into account the FDQ philosophy that More Is More (meaning that there were days when I ate two snack bars, and…well, never mind the “and”), I can honestly say the program was a success.

The Faux Diet Queen is a girlfriend and a half trying to find her skinny self. She is currently three and a half pounds closer to her goals. Girlfriendology was compensated for this particular blog and the Cinch program was provided gratis-for-free-without-cost to the FDQ.
Girlfriend notes: The standard Cinch shake is soy-based, but there is a whey-based formulation. The bars either contain peanuts or are made on machines that just finished making bars with peanuts. So if you have allergies, order carefully.

Girlfriendology / Debba here: We love our girlfriends no matter what size jeans they wear or what the scales tell them if they’re brave enough to get on them. (Something I personally avoid like the plague.) But, we also want our girlfriends to be around and healthy for a long time. We’re sharing this journey that our girlfriend, FDQ (the FAB Faux Diet Queen) because it’s what girlfriends do – we go through life and diet together (and shoe shopping, and highs and lows …). Join us on her journey to fitness and good health. We’re excited for her to motivate and inspire us all!

Here’s some more Faux Diet Queen ‘adventures’. Stop back next Friday for the next installment!

• I am Ashamed of Myself | Confession and Resolve
• Food Beliefs I Have to Ditch Part II – More Food Baggage
• Year End Interview — Girlfriendology Talks to the Faux Diet Queen
• Diet Re-Launch for the New Year
• ‘Tis the Night Before New Year — A Story
• Water, water everywhere – Pass the Chardonnay
• The Faux Diet Queen Talks Turkey / Thanksgiving
• Beliefs I need to Ditch – Food Baggage
• Meet the Faux Diet Queen
• I Hate the Scale and the Scale Hates Me
• The FDQ Faces the Great Cookie Onslaught–Advice Needed!
• Food Pushers and Food Police

p.s. If your food stories fall into a more serious topic, like emotional eating, we’ve got a great girlfriend for you to meet too – ELLEN SHUMAN. She’s shared great advice on emotional eating on various guest blogs and podcasts. (Her podcast on emotional eating is our #1 listened to interview so lots of us have some emotional eating issues or friends/family who do.)

This is a story about the power of a girlfriend’s kindness. This is also an invitation to keep it going. Let’s be on the lookout to see how we can step in and love each other.

I was a bit behind in pulling together holiday cards to send out. Gathering and updating addresses for the dear envelopes. Drawing little berry branches on each. Stuffing with letters. In between all the rest of life. Like we all do.  I just missed the mail pick-up time on Saturday. Then revised my plan to send this well-intentioned pile on Monday. Along with a print order I had so wonderfully received through my online Etsy shop. Actually, I had already mailed this print last week to a beautiful woman in Tennessee. Despite the envelope being marked with “DO NOT BEND,” her postal carrier bent it in half and stuffed it in her mailbox.  So I need to send it to her again.  Also, I’ve been down with some bug all week. My energy has gone on vacation.  So has a sense of neat order and time.

Then came Monday morning. I got to the post office first thing. Only to be behind 20 people and one worker behind the counter. Everyone was talking about how they thought they would be smart and get there early. So now I could be counted among the line of the smarties. Which has it’s own value to be sure.

After only a couple minutes, love stepped in line. The story was about to change. It was my friend Nancy, pulling her dolly of packages. After a welcomed embrace, she told me I must have better things to do with my morning and took all my envelopes from me. Her eyes twinkled as she stood in all her capacity, balancing her coffee mug, packages, and now my various sizes of envelopes. One more hug was in order and ever so quickly, I was off and on my way. Order and time restored. As well as my heart. Just like that.

Kindness changes everything. It seems I needed all these experiences to lead me to such a line. To such a hug from such a girlfriend. To such a valentine.  I am deeply grateful.

RACHEL AWES is a psychologist, art playgroundist, writer, wife, mother & friend, who loves listening to the beauty in people. You can find her art at http://rachelawes.etsy.com and her blog at http://allididwaslisten.blogspot.com.

What about you girlfriend? What wonderful things have you done that have been a welcome act of kindness? What beautiful thing has someone done for you that turned your entire day around? We want to hear your stories!

THANKS Rachel! We love you and your appreciation of girlfriends – and your fabulous art!

And, by the way, we LOVE guest blogs here at Girlfriendology. Have a great girlfriend story to tell? Want to celebrate your fabulous female friends? SHARE! (And, we also have Girlfriend Gurus – check that out to be featured on Girlfriendology!)

And check out Rachel’s other FABULOUS blogs (and her gorgeous art):

• A Year of Great Girlfriend Intentions – A great year of friends and friendships
• The Art of Girlfriends – how friends inspire us (& we inspire friends, like Rachel does)
• Playdates with Girlfriends – great things to plan in 2012!
• Girlfriend Love Letters – write one to your BFFs!
• Girlfriend Gift Ideas - creative ways to show your friendship

Our friends at Biz Stain Fighter (super supportive sponsor of Girlfriendology in 2012!) know just the right girlfriend advice for this wild weekend of Superbowl parties and stains!

The big game is just days away and I can’t wait. Let’s face it girlfriends, we love the party food (minus the calories). Buffalo chicken dip, salsa, messy wings, dogs with ketchup and mustard, along with a little wine and we’re all set for some severe staining. Hopefully it only ends up on the clothes vs. the carpet and furniture. A room full of football fans and you never know when they will erupt.

Relax and enjoy, it only happens once a year. Don’t worry about the mess. Just add Biz Stain Fighter and Mean Green Multi-purpose Cleaner & Degreaser to your shopping lists, for the “After Party.” Get them both at Wal-mart. Don’t forget to print a coupon from the websites. You can also get Biz at Kroger, Publix, Safeway and Target stores. Mean Green can be found at Wal-mart, Dollar General and Family Dollar. Yes, the dollar store. It’s tough on grease and grime and easy on the budget. It’s only about $2.

After the fans have gone home, it’s time to tackle the After Party. Once you have uncluttered the grimy surfaces from cans, cups and chips. Grab that bottle of Mean Green you picked up and get cleaning the stove, sink, counter tops, floors, bathroom and maybe even the carpet. Simply spray the mess and wipe with a clean sponge or cloth. Mean Green cuts through the grease and grime making clean up a breeze. Yes, even the carpet. Don’t be surprised if the male in your house puts claims on the Mean Green for the garage, grill, patio or golf clubs. It’s that tough.

In a couple of days, when you find the favorite jerseys and jeans blobbed with greasy, BBQ food stains, in the laundry hamper, just pre-treat with a little Biz. After all, Biz has been a trusted stain remover for over 40 years. Simply re-wet the stained area with warm water (I think of this as re-activating the stain) and apply a little Biz, rub gently and let it sit for 30 minutes or so. Toss it into the wash machine (Standard or HE) for with your regular detergent (I prefer Oxydol because it Smells So Good) and a little more Biz and the stains are gone. If Biz is good enough for a professional Baseball Team’s equipment room, it’s perfect for your laundry room. Girlfriend you have to try it, you won’t want to be without it.

The weather has been unusually warm for Jan. here in Cincinnati at least but the lawn is plenty soggy. If your football fans decide to play a little football of their own before the big game starts. The following Biz tip will be your Defense for those mud, blood and grass stains. Fill either your laundry room sink or use the pre-wash cycle on your washing machine with warm water and a scoop of Biz, maybe even two scoops after all they will be covered head to toe. Throw the clothes in and let them soak for 30 minutes maybe even an hour. If it’s really bad, leave it over night. When you think most of the dirt has come out and the water looks dirty, wash with your detergent and some more Biz.

So Girlfriends, don’t sweat the “After party”, it won’t be as bad as you think. You could always change the payout for the losing team’s fans, to “After Party Clean Up” vs. $20.

Also, have you entered the “Boost your style with Biz” Sweepstakes? Here’s your chance to WIN, $5,000 for a new wardrobe. (January 15 – February 26th – WIN a $5000 new ‘Boost Your Style’ wardrobe on A&E THANKS to BIZ!)

Also, check out boxes of Biz for coupons – Biz teams up with Disney for the release of Lady & the Tramp Diamond Edition, for the first time on Blu-ray™ and DVD combo pack.

Will the Patriots or Giants win? Who knows?! But we do know that you’ll be the winner when it comes to cleaning up all the post-SuperBowl party stains! Thanks Biz!

NOTE: Girlfriendology is GIDDY to have Biz Stain Fighter as a major sponsor of female friendship (aka: Girlfriendology). Thanks Biz for your support in 2012 and for your great grime-fighting girlfriend advice. As always, we only recommend products that we would genuinely recommend to our girlfriends. Did you see our Biz / Girlfriendology TV commercial?!

Top image from Wikipedia – Military SuperBowl Party

Thankfully we have girlfriends who come into our lives in a variety of ways and change us in countless ways. We’re thankful for this girlfriend guest blog by Girlfriend Guru LISA SARICK on her special, spiritual sisters. (I love how they’re there for each other.)

It seemed so obvious that it just had to happen. I knew these amazing women in different areas of my life…. a work colleague, a college buddy, a new friend, and the partner of my husband’s pal at work. The work colleague asked if I wanted to go to a past-life regression workshop.  Oooh, yeah! My kind of thing. Then I thought, “SHE might like to go. And SHE might like to go too …” But none of these women knew EACH OTHER. So I invited them all to my house for an evening of food and friendship.

At that first gathering we sat in a circle; it just felt natural to do so. I had the house all cozy, candles lit, husband gone (sometimes girlfriends need to be alone), food, wine. I think I led a guided meditation that I read out of a book. We talked and talked, ate and drank. We all happily agreed to go away overnight to the workshop. In short, we fell in love.

The gatherings became a monthly ritual. We rotated houses. We each brought food. We tried practices that were of interest to us… to improve our intuition, clear out negativity, balance our chakras. We invited a few others, a couple came and went, and then group settled with a circle of seven. (Interestingly, I have found myself in two more groups of seven women since then … something about seven??) We named it Moon Circle, because of the feminine symbolism associated with the moon. It seemed fitting.

Years of this saw us through divorce, death, birth, new marriages, new businesses, and most importantly a beautiful unfolding of our lives into authentic, graceful expressions of love.

It began more than ten years ago and has since morphed into close friendships and support of varying degrees. The monthly gatherings have ended. And that’s OK. The natural course of our lives has spread our interests, spread us geographically, and landed us each perfectly where we should be. The end of a love affair doesn’t mean it was a failure. The lessons, the joy, and the love endure. We are each basking in the light of the place we were carried to in the arms and the care of Moon Circle.

Do you have girlfriends who don’t know each other but you think would get along famously? Maybe you can gather them around a specific event or activity. If the new-agey stuff isn’t your bag, perhaps you can scrapbook, or learn to cook Thai food together. Maybe you are all dedicated Mommas who just need a night away each month to relax in a quiet, kid-free environment (dads and kids would often go out for the night for our circles).

Whatever initial commonality draws you together is perfect! The gatherings may take on a life of their own from there. Sometimes Moon Circle was focused on one member by default because she was going through a rough patch and needed to talk and cry.  We had Moon Circle movie nights, and spa get-a-ways. If you do create a Moon Circle, my advice would be to let the group flow and change. And take it all in. Enjoy the magic of women coming together. I know I am forever changed by the wisdom, encouragement, and love of my MoonGirls.

The last gathering of us all together was probably my baby shower, almost three years ago now. Shortly thereafter I was in labor at a MoonGirl’s house and nearly had a kid in her bathtub! We went from there to the hospital. I was not prepared; no bag packed in the car and 45 minutes from home. Sometime during the labor, the nurse came in and handed me a bag that she said my friends dropped off. The MoonGirls had gone shopping. A new outfit to wear home, mega-maxipads, big underwear, and chocolate.

I had my daughter that night. She was three weeks early. It was a full moon.

LISA SARICK (also known as Reverend Lisa) is a Spiritual Finder. As a minister and teacher she guides people who want peace to go beyond the limits of their minds to the freedom of their spirit. She holds 1-on-1 sessions, officiates ceremonies, and is working on creating a group program to lead the masses to freedom! Visit her virtual home at www.LisaSarick.wordpress.com.

Do you have a girlfriend group? What do you do to bring female friends together? Why not start your own group?!

THANKS LISA for sharing your girlfriend group and women’s wisdom! For more on girlfriend groups, check out ideas for a Book Club or Bridge Club, a fitness group or bringing together women with a similar background.

By the way, we LOVE guest blogs here at Girlfriendology. Have a great girlfriend story to tell? Want to celebrate your fabulous female friends? SHARE! (And, we also have Girlfriend Gurus – check that out to be featured on Girlfriendology!)

In the military, accountability at the lowest level is represented by the Fire Team. In the Marine Corps, I was able to see firsthand how a Fire Team operates. No matter the task at hand, my Fire Team and I were able to successfully execute mission after mission. This is because we held one another accountable. We ventured into unsecured territory and emerged victorious because of the firepower we held collectively.

Your personal success is much like a battle. You’ve got to fight for your life, you’ve got to give it your all and push as hard as you can to come out victorious and achieve your goals and dreams. This is no easy feat all on your own. And it does require venturing into unsecured territory. That’s why you, girlfriend, need your very own F.I.R.E. team. But not the kind used by the Marine Corps…

No, the F.I.R.E. team I’m referring to is made up of your beloved girlfriends. Because no matter how strong of a woman you are, we all need a support system – a F.I.R.E. team – to help ignite our passions, encourage us through the challenges and celebrate with us as we achieve our dreams. A F.I.R.E. team consists of:

• Fabulous friends – These are the gals in your life who are all-around genuine, loving ladies. They support you, encourage you and are…

• Inspiring – They share your vision and help you see the bigger possibilities within. They are…

• Reliable – You know you can always count on them, no matter what day or time. And most importantly, they are…

• Eager to see you succeed – These gorgeous girlfriends only want the best for you! They are cheering you on, rooting for you every step of the way, doing everything they can to help you achieve your dreams.

You don’t need a huge network of peeps to create your blazing F.I.R.E. team. You just need a few solid friends who have your back. Not every friend will make it on your F.I.R.E. team because the sad truth is, we all have frenemies in our midst. Frenemies are those who appear to be your friends, but really don’t have your best interest at heart.

You know a frenemy by the way you feel after you talk to her. After sharing your dreams, she nitpicks you and your dreams to death, and you most certainly feel much worse after talking to her. Don’t let her stop you or stomp on your dreams, girlfriend.

Whenever you encounter a frenemy, all you have to do is smile politely and say, “Thanks so much girl. I know you’re looking out for me and I’ll take it into consideration as I continue on my journey.” Stop sharing your goals and dreams with this person. Save yourself the drama, heartache, and de-motivation that a frenemy might cast on you.

Instead, focus on your F.I.R.E. team and remember, just as you are building up your team, your girlfriends are counting on you to be part of their F.I.R.E. team. Be mindful to really listen when your friends speak, regularly ask them how things are going in their lives, and always offer a helping hand in any area you can. A F.I.R.E. team friendship goes both ways, so hold each other accountable. Work together to help bring out the best in each other.

Go ahead, venture into that unknown territory, your F.I.R.E. team has got you covered.

RACHEL LUNA is a success coach and the author of Successful People are Full of C.R.A.P. (Courage, Resilience, Authenticity, Perseverance): A Step-by-Step Guide to Getting it Together and Achieving Your Dreams. [Amazon, March 2012] She helps women and closet entrepreneurs stop wishing, stop hoping, and start doing the work needed to achieve their dreams. Visit her on facebook for daily motivation, inspiration and encouragement!

Who’s got your back girlfriend? Who’s your FIRE team?

THANKS RACHEL for sharing and inspiring!

By the way, we LOVE guest blogs here at Girlfriendology. Have a great girlfriend story to tell? Want to celebrate your fabulous female friends? SHARE! (And, we also have Girlfriend Gurus – check that out to be featured on Girlfriendology!)

Did you know the Ricki Lake Show is coming back this Fall? Ricki’s been getting ready for this girlfriend-filled show by connecting with so many friends on Twitter and Facebook. And, now she’s connecting with some sites/communities who are ‘officially’ ‘Friends of Ricki.’ We’re thrilled to say, Girlfriendology is part of Friends of Ricki! The following is by Ricki …

Ricki Lake’s Girlfriend Advice on Social Media

Social media has changed the world forever. In just 140 characters or an update to your Facebook status, you have the potential to connect with a complete stranger in the same town or across the globe. In an instant, Friendships are being formed. Business is taking place. People are connecting. And the world will never be the same.

But it isn’t that easy…

Many people are standing on the sidelines of social media, unsure of how to jump into the conversation and contribute their thoughts. There is uncertainty about how one can form bonds with people they have never met “face to face.”

Are you one of many asking the question, “how?”

That is why we are here and you can know one thing for sure … You are in the right place! We have teamed up with Ricki Lake, one of the most engaged celebrities on social media, to share five tips for connecting with people in an instant on social media.

Watch this video to hear Ricki Lake’s #1 Tip for Connecting on Social Media

Click here to view the embedded video.

2. Be Respectful – Leave judgment at the door and respect that other people on social media have beliefs and opinions that are their own. This is what makes them unique! Just as in offline relationships, if you want to make friends, you have to be one first. If you want people to respect you, start by being respectful of them.

3. Be Inspiring – People like social media for many reasons. Many will share that they feel uplifted and empowered to live their best life by connecting with inspiring and positive people. If you want to make a lot of friends on social media, be inspiring. Be encouraging. Be a friend.

4. Be Generous – The more you offer to help others in life, the more “likeable” you will be. When on social media you can help others by supporting their work. Take the time to mention people, and give them positive feedback. When you re-tweet or share the content of others they feel good and are more likely to appreciate and connect with you. Remember, “it’s not about me, it’s about we.”

5. Find a Fun Community! - Following a hashtag community on Twitter or joining a group or community on Facebook is a great way to connect with people who are like you and who are usually looking for the same type of connection you are looking for. Twitter and Facebook are the largest gathering of individuals on the planet. Communities are simply small groups within. Think of communities on social media as you would small break-out sessions at a very, very large conference. The name on the door is the community. Pick the door that tells you that you share common interests with those on the other side. Then, open the door, step inside and say hello via a tweet or a post on the Facebook wall. You will be surprised that many are waiting for … you!

If you are looking for a community that is based on friendship and connection, please join Ricki Lake and the Friends of Ricki for a very special announcement and a first hand look at social media connection on Ustream and using Twitter hashtag #FriendsofRicki at 8pm ET this Wednesday, February 1. We look forward to seeing you and connecting with you there!

What are YOUR recommendations on making connections through social media?

It’s the great American holiday of SuperBowl Sunday and we’re celebrating on Girlfriendology with our own SuperBowl of Friendship. Here’s our girl-friendly version of the SuperBowl

• Points for Kindness – It’s our game, we get to make the rules! Stop Girlfriendology this week for some girlfriend advice/insights into kindness from our Girlfriend Guru Rachel Awes (this Thursday on Girlfriendology).
• Touchdown for Being there for  Friend – like Aimee was there for Bethany when she was going through Breast Cancer – and spending time on a Harley together makes it even more fun!
• In the Red Zone – We kinda think that’s the freebie eBook that we’re sharing with women who sign up for our newsletter. ‘30 Days / 30 Ways to be a Better Friend.’ We have some COOL things coming for our community of women and we’re excited to grow this community. (We’d love if you’d SHARE us with your girlfriends!)
• Tailgating for the Big Game! – We LOVE the Faux Diet Queen! She’s the silly friend who diets in the real (silly) world and we’re on this journey to get healthy with her. Join her every Friday on Girlfriendology. This coming Friday she’s reviewing a diet that she and I have been on – which, as she’ll tell you, like almost everything – is much more fun with a friend! (And JOIN US Friday 2-2:30pm ET on BlogTalkRadio.com/Girlfriendology as we talk with Sommer Poquette about CINCH, the diet that the FDQ and I have been on!)
• Healthy, Strong Athletes – Inside each of us is someone with more power and energy than we know. We’re thrilled that girlfriend wellness coach Jana Currie shared how to find that energy and life a healthy, strong life. Thanks Jana!
• Unsport-woman-ly Conduct – Sometimes those disagreements happen between friends. Thankfully, we have great girlfriend advice from Rachel Kim on how to get past a disagreement with a girlfriend.
• No Home-Field Advantage – New England and New York are headed to Indy, so there’s no home-field advantage this weekend but you, my girlfriend, get the home-field advantage by listening to girlfriend advice from our real estate Girlfriend Guru Cathy Perry.
• Touchdown – We’re thrilled to have BIZ Stain Fighter as our BIG sponsor in 2012. Check out their stain fighting amazingness as well as … January 15 – February 26th – WIN a $5000 new ‘Boost Your Style’ wardrobe on A&E THANKS to BIZ! And Biz teams up with Disney for the upcoming release of Lady & the Tramp Diamond Edition, for the first time on Blu-ray™ and DVD combo pack. This past weekend Biz was in over 55 million coupons with a $4 savings offer when you buy any Biz product and Lady and the Tramp on Blu-ray or DVD combo pack which is released in stores February 7^th – coupon expires 3/31/12 and is good in U.S. only.  See $4 coupon on Lady and the Tramp store displays and on specially marked packages of Biz for complete details. (I bought some Biz this weekend and it had the special coupon on it!)

And our SuperBowl of Community takes place on Girlfriendology (can’t wait ’til you see what’s coming!) and Facebook.com/Girlfriendology! Check out these play-by-play fun updates:

• “Smile at each other, smile at your wife, smile at your husband, smile at your children, smile at each other – it doesn’t matter who it is – and that will help you grow up in greater love for each other.” (Smile at your friends too!) Mother Teresa http://ow.ly/8KdEE
• We love to share women’s wisdom. Share your girlfriend advice in a guest blog! http://bit.ly/hjIiwY
• “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” Leo Buscaglia http://ow.ly/8JSXv
• How do you stay in touch with long-distance friends? Here’s some great girlfriend advice on doing that from @JenAnnHall http://ow.ly/8Jgc2
• Dressing to FIT Your Personality & Body http://ow.ly/8KiJc This week’s top blog post by @DonnaGamache – what’s your style advice?
• Friend dealing w cancer? True for too many of us ): Be there for her. Here’s how http://ow.ly/8JkFF Hugs!
• “The ornaments of a house are the FRIENDS who frequent it.” #quote RWEmerson http://ow.ly/8J6kS
• So much love out to my girlfriend Allison who lost her husband a year ago today http://ow.ly/8Jkwh Life is too short girlfriends. Be there for each other!

Have a SUPER week girlfriends!

She was dressed in a long sleeve black Harley T-shirt carrying a big black Harley coffee mug and her long auburn red hair was tied back in a black leather wrap.  She had mischievous green eyes and a laugh that warmed my heart. I liked her immediately. I introduced myself with something close to, “Hi. My name is Bethany. Will you be my friend?  And can you teach me to ride my bike?” Aimee did her Aimee kind of thing and smiled her brilliant smile and said, “Sure.”

The purchase of my Softtail Deluxe was probably the beginning of my mid-life revival. It was daring. It was sexy. It was a seven hundred pound statement of my freedom, gorgeous with all its chrome, white wall tires and braided leather work. My Harley. A total impulse purchase. I wanted to be cool and I thought that if only I had a Harley then I would be in the “IN” crowd. I didn’t know where that crowd was but it was obvious that Aimee was part of it.

She knew where the oil pan was and how to change the fluids in her bike. She spent hours with her special tools washing her beloved Indigo Blue freedom ride. “A labor of love,” she would call it. She knew about her engine and the power commander and Vance and Hines exhaust systems.  I knew that mine was black and white and chrome.

Amazingly, Aimee was put in my life at about the same time I left my 17 year marriage. Learning how to ride became a form of therapy. It focused my brain. It gave me something to talk about other than my feelings. For about a year, my new red headed friend taught me “the language.” She taught me how to ride. She taught me where to get the non-pumpkin head helmet and the stickers and the leather chaps. She taught me how to park my two wheel symbol of coolness so that I wouldn’t drop it in front of crowds of people at the ice cream stand – a regular occurrence. We spent time on the roads. We practiced. We sat propped on walls of gas stations, eating M&Ms and drinking coffee. We talked about life and became friends.

At the end of that first year life shifted for both of us. Aimee’s marriage was shaky and I was diagnosed with breast cancer. She needed a place to stay. I needed someone to stay with me.  She had taken nursing classes years ago. She made me laugh and she loved my cats and so she came to live with me.

Having a room mate was never top on my priority list but sometimes things just work out. Bandages and bloody scars and tubes exiting from my arm pits didn’t faze her. She made a mean quiche and was a master at folding laundry. She knew who to call when I had my first pity party after chemo. She let me cry. She made me laugh. She treated me just like she always had – with kindness and compassion and a belief that I was more capable than I ever gave myself credit for.

It was the last weekend in April. Temperatures had peaked in the high sixties. The air smelled of spring and the roads were clear. She was jonesing. She HAD to get on her bike. She HAD to. And she told me in no uncertain terms that I was going with her.

“Dude. No way. I have cancer. I just had chemo. I don’t have any hair.”

“I don’t care. You are fine. Look at you. You feel good. You’re walking around. It’s a beautiful day. We’ll go for a short ride and come back if you don’t feel good.”

“But I don’t have any boobs. They cut apart my chest and I don’t know what the muscles can do. I might not be strong enough.”

“Get over yourself. You’re okay. And if not, we turn around. It’s perfect riding weather. We have to go.”

We bantered back and forth for most of the morning. Finally, she started getting dressed. The boots. The hair band. The Harley sweatshirt. The chaps. Really? I wanted to wear my costume too. So there I was – stuck between victim-ness and able-ness. Other bikes drove past the house, the roar of their engines causing my heart to beat a little faster. My inside scared voice was getting smaller.

Aimee and Bethany and their Harleys

We wrapped my cue ball head in a long orange scarf and snugged the little skull cap on tight. As we saddled up our iron horses and headed out into the wilderness, my body started to dance. I wasn’t going to spend the day sobbing in the “sick room” and watching “Law and Order,” thinking about my next treatment and wondering what I could eat. Today was going to be different. Down back country roads and around sweeping turns in the middle of the budding forest, I felt the wind against my face. It was brisk and snappy. Aimee led the way, flowing with the road, so comfortable in her seat. My gloves wrapped around the hand grips and my body leaned back and forth to maneuver the turns.  As we wove our way down Route 29, I was keenly aware of all the gifts I had been given –  my friends, my family, the ability to get out of bed, the fresh air, the kindness of others. Pure gratitude. A deep sigh of relief escaped my overly tight chest and a tear trickled down my cheek.

We pulled into the parking lot of a small café.  As I removed my helmet, my scarf came off too. My skull needed to breathe. I needed to breathe. I needed to be okay with who I was at that moment. Me, Aimee, our bikes, and the open road. Freedom. Freedom from fear. Freedom from judgment. Freedom from cancer. If just for a few hours.

God, I love my girlfriends.

BETHANY PARKS was a furniture sales person, a driven ambitious, stark raving Type A soul. Then she was a cancer patient. Then a survivor. Then a Kenyan volunteer, a Harley chick, a Kilimanjaro hiker, a blogger. Now she’s an enthusiastic dreamer and a hopeful writer. She’s a frustrated chocolate fiend in search of peace and serenity. She’s a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend, and a person who wants to help others.

What girlfriends have been there for you like Aimee has been there for Bethany? What girlfriend do you need to be there for? DO IT!

Bethany – THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing this guest blog. (And THANKS Aimee for being there for Bethany.)

By the way, we LOVE guest blogs here at Girlfriendology. Have a great girlfriend story to tell? Want to celebrate your fabulous female friends? SHARE! (And, we also have Girlfriend Gurus – check that out to be featured on Girlfriendology!)

For our friends dealing with breast cancer – their own or their girlfriends, here’s some girlfriend advice:

• Girlfriends and Breast Cancer, by Shasta Nelson
• Remembering Elizabeth Edwards and my dear friend Dana
• Ode to Denial, of a Breast Cancer Diagnosis
• Podcast interview with TAMI BOEHMER, breast cancer survivor
• 10 Minute Lesson on dealing with cancer among friends
• PRESS RELEASE: 10 Ways to be a Better Friend to a Girlfriend with Cancer
• Pink Gifts for Girlfriends

We’re all about inspiring women to be better friends. We sincerely believe that we can make it a better world – one friendship at a time!

AND, for NEW newsletter subscribers, “The Girlfriendology Guide – 30 Days / 30 Ways to be a Better Friend“ is FREE! Just SIGN UP for our weekly newsletter!. (It’s filled with great girlfriend ’stuff’ like girlfriend gifts, inspiring stories and quotes, fun updates from the world of Girlfriendology!)

It’s a fun read filled with 30 days of ideas on how to make new friends, connect with old friends and be a better girlfriend in general! Some of the topics covered are:

• Starting Girlfriend Traditions
• Ideas for surprising your BFFs
• Inspiration for Random Acts of Kindness
• How to throw an ‘All About Her’ Day to make your BFF feel really appreciated!
• Ways to give the best gift of all – Your Time!
• BONUS #1: Checklist for making a Girlfriend’s Birthday Special – great ideas for making her day fun and friend-filled
  
• BONUS #2: 150 Friendship Quotes to share on Birthdays, Bad Days, Special Days, Just-Because Days – all ‘tweetable’ (short!) so you can share them on Twitter, Facebook, in a card or email.

So, what are you waiting for?! Just SIGN UP for our weekly newsletter!

This week, the Faux Diet Queen stares into her (somewhat twisted) reality and shares some of what she sees in the mirror.

The Faux Diet Queen (or as we affectionately call her, FDQ) has agreed to share her latest (and last) weight loss journey with us as a regular feature at Girlfriendology. We hope you’ll join us to cheer her on, nudge her back on track when she strays, and generally giggle along.

I’m  ashamed of myself.

Not just because I ate all the pasta at dinner tonight before the kids could get seconds, although that probably wasn’t one of my shining moments. And not because I ate the last of the Oreos (again, not something I should really be bragging about). And not because I wrote in my food journal that I had three ounces of cheese when it was more like three pounds.

I’m not proud of any of those things. But they don’t make me feel ashamed.

Here’s what happened. A woman I know (she’s a friend, but not a BFF if you know what I mean), wrote on her Facebook wall: I’ve lost 10.5 lbs since January 4^th and I’m inspired to lose more!!!!!

I didn’t cheer. I didn’t immediately “like” the post. In fact, my reaction was that I wanted to kick her right in all those extra exclamation points.

Why is it so hard for me to be thrilled and delighted that she’s having success? Why is it so easy for her to drop ten pounds in three weeks? I don’t really know the answer to either question, although I suspect the two are intertwined…

So,

I am going to try harder.

I am going to try harder to be happy for my friends rather than being sad for me.

I am going to try harder to say no to the chocolate (my wonderful, sweet chocolate) and yes to an extra serving of broccoli (which I like, but—let’s face it—broccoli and chocolate are not even distant cousins).

I am going to try harder to not beat myself up when I eat the extra broccoli—and the extra chocolate.

I am going to try harder to walk more than eight steps a day—even on days when I don’t really have to walk all that far.

And I am really, really, really going to try to lose more weight than my friend so that I don’t have to feel bad when I see the next set of exclamation points.

The Faux Diet Queen is a Girlfriend and a Half, trying to find her Skinny Self. When she is not recording her weight loss journey from the bottom of a bag of chocolate chips, she is constantly on the search for ways to improve the trip back to her smaller jeans. Her posts can be found here on Girlfriendology every Friday.

Girlfriendology / Debba here: We love our girlfriends no matter what size jeans they wear or what the scales tell them if they’re brave enough to get on them. (Something I personally avoid like the plague.) But, we also want our girlfriends to be around and healthy for a long time. We’re sharing this journey that our girlfriend, FDQ (the FAB Faux Diet Queen) because it’s what girlfriends do – we go through life and diets together (and shoe shopping, and highs and lows …). Join us on her journey to fitness and good health. We’re excited for her to motivate and inspire us all!

Here’s some more Faux Diet Queen ‘adventures’. Stop back next Friday for the next installment!

• Food Beliefs I Have to Ditch Part II – More Food Baggage
• Year End Interview — Girlfriendology Talks to the Faux Diet Queen
• Diet Re-Launch for the New Year
• ‘Tis the Night Before New Year — A Story
• Water, water everywhere – Pass the Chardonnay
• The Faux Diet Queen Talks Turkey / Thanksgiving
• Beliefs I need to Ditch – Food Baggage
• Meet the Faux Diet Queen
• I Hate the Scale and the Scale Hates Me
• The FDQ Faces the Great Cookie Onslaught–Advice Needed!
• Food Pushers and Food Police

p.s. If your food stories fall into a more serious topic, like emotional eating, we’ve got a great girlfriend for you to meet too – ELLEN SHUMAN. She’s shared great advice on emotional eating on various guest blogs and podcasts. (Her podcast on emotional eating is our #1 listened to interview so lots of us have some emotional eating issues or friends/family who do.)

It’s January – the month we get to position us for reaching our goals (or at least making great progress toward them!). We’ve got the perfect girlfriend to get us on the right path toward being healthy and happy – by having a vision and making a plan! Wellness/Weight Loss Coach JANA CURRIE talked about the following guest blog and about women, weight loss, goals and having a vision for our life on our BlogTalkRadio show! LISTEN IN! And change the course of your life …

CHANGE THE COURSE OF YOUR LIFE, ONE CHOICE AT A TIME

One of my favorite poems is Robert Frost’s The Road Not Taken. You may have studied it in high school. Frost created that wonderful image of two roads diverging in a yellow wood with the traveler standing at the point where they separated, trying to decide which road to take. Have you been there before? I certainly have. I want to look down the road as far as I can before taking that first step. Where will that road take me? Will I like my destination? Will I enjoy the journey?

Every day you are faced with choices. Occasionally you have big decisions to make…..Do I look for another job or stay where I am and hope for a promotion? Do I take that dream vacation or save up for a new car? But the majority of your day is full of smaller, seemingly less significant choices……………Do I have a salad with my sandwich or French fries? Do I stop by the gym after work or head home and relax in front of the TV?

As a weight loss coach I talk with a lot of women about their small choices because these small choices soon become habits. And habits have the power to change the course of your life, for good or for bad. In fact habits are so powerful, it’s important to regularly stop and reflect on where yours are leading you. And January is a perfect time to ask yourself some key questions:

• If you continue with your current habits and choices, what will your life look like six months from now?
• What will your life look like two years from now?
• Do you like the picture of where you are headed?

Several years ago I asked myself those same questions and realized I didn’t like the picture I was seeing. It was clear I had some habits that needed to change in order for me to have the life I really wanted. Changing old habits is hard, and I knew I needed support. So I made a decision (a.k.a. choice). I asked two of my closest girlfriends (Molly & Cheri) if they would join me on a weekly early morning call. On these calls we would share our life dreams, talk about specific actions we would take that week to move us closer to our goals, and then encourage and hold each other accountable. My girlfriends were all for it. We are now heading into our third year of these weekly calls, and it has been a life changing experience for all of us.

Do you like the picture of where your life is headed? If not, make a course change by finding a vision for your life that inspires you and gives you hope. Share your dream with some girlfriends and take them on the journey with you … that will make all the difference.

JANA CURRIE finds seeing women experience the joy of living a life full of health and vitality is the most rewarding in her work as a Wellness Coach. Jana has helped 100s of women lose weight, gain strength, energy, and, above all, confidence in themselves. Jana earned her Master’s degree in Health Education from the University of Cincinnati. She is a Certified Wellness Coach, Fitness Trainer, and Corporate Consultant. Jana has delivered fitness training, wellness coaching, and corporate health promotion services to Fortune 50, 100 and 500 clients throughout the country.

What are your dreams girlfriend? What girlfriend(s) do you share them with?

LISTEN IN as we talked about women, weight loss, goals and having a vision for our life!

Guest blogger Rachel Hyun Kim shares her experience of getting into a fight with a friend and some of the lessons in forgiveness that she learned for mending an important friendship.

The last time I got into a fight with a friend, it was not a fun situation. Feelings were hurt, fingers were pointed, and words were said that could not exactly be taken back. Now, this fight could have easily gone towards the way a lost friendship, filled with awkward interactions with the former friend. But is that worth the years of fun and friendship we shared in the past? My friend and I swallowed our pride and moved past our fight, thus preserving our friendship and future together.

Fighting happens, even with the best of friends. However, girlfriends should not risk their friendship over a silly argument. Based on my own experience, I give advice that can help others quickly mend their friendships and overcome fights:

Calm Down!
Immediately after the fight, friends are not exactly in the best state of mind to turn back to a reasonable discussion. Oftentimes, feelings are still hurt and egos are still bruised. Therefore, friends should avoid doing anything rash (like confronting your friend and starting the fight all over again). Instead, take a deep breath and give yourself and your friend time to calm down.

Examine the Fight
Take a long look at how the fight started. Was the fight sparked by a comment or a result of a drawn-out conflict? Or was it simply a misunderstanding between two girlfriends?  One way to gain an objective viewpoint into the fight is to ask for another girlfriend’s opinion. If this girl knows both of you well, then she may be able to give valuable insight as to what caused the fight.

Prepare Yourself
Before re-establishing connections with your friend, you should take some time to list out the reasons why you’re upset and how you can resolve the fight. In addition, consider the other side’s viewpoints and keep that in mind for the upcoming conversation. Another tip is to make sure that you meet your friend in person. Friendships can be patched over the phone or online, but meeting face to face will most likely facilitate the discussion.

Take Responsibility
Depending on the fight, there may be certain portions of the argument that resulted from your actions. Don’t be stubborn and insist that the fault is completely in your friend. By accepting responsibility, you convey your belief that the friendship is more important than your pride. Throughout the conversation, make sure that you speak with a clear, level-headed mind, and discuss ways that you can resolve the situation.

Listen
It’s vitally important to avoid doing all the talking on your own. After explaining your points and reasons, give your friend the opportunity to explain herself and discuss her feelings.

Once the conversation is over, resolution can take several courses.  If your friend reciprocates your apology, then the friendship is well on its way towards mending itself. But if your girlfriend is silent, then she may still need some time to get over the fight. However, keep an eye out for how long she stays mad; if she refuses to accept forgiveness, then perhaps the friendship was not meant to last.

Fighting happens, and it unfortunately occurs to friends everywhere. But by following the tips above, girlfriends can quickly resolve their differences and patch up their friendship again. If successful, it’s likely that months and years from now, you and your friend will look back at this silly argument and laugh.

RACHEL HYUN KIM is a writer on topics ranging from telemarketing services to document scanning. She writes for an online resource that gives advice on topics including merchant services for small business owners and entrepreneurs at Resource Nation.

How do you get over a fight with a girlfriend? Do you have any advice for patching up and saving a friendship?

Great girlfriend advice on mending a friendship, from the Friendship Doctor, Irene Levine, PhD.

By the way, we LOVE guest blogs here at Girlfriendology. Have a great girlfriend story to tell? Want to celebrate your fabulous female friends? SHARE! (And, we also have Girlfriend Gurus – check that out to be featured on Girlfriendology!)

Girlfriend Guru and Real Estate expert Cathy Perry shares her tips for figuring out when to renovate and when to move on.

Have you seen the HGTV show Love It or List It? In case you haven’t, it features a couple who are torn between moving from a home that is no longer workable for them and remodeling it to make it work.  A real estate agent tries to convince them to “list it,” and an interior designer leads a remodeling effort to make them “love it.”  Drama and angst abound when hidden problems are uncovered and the renovation budget goes haywire, and the real estate agent shows them property WAY over their budget before finding a suitable property.

If you are torn being loving and listing your home, here are some things to consider short of going on a reality TV show:

Do you love the location? Are you in a good school district, close to shopping, dining, family, or whatever else is important to you, or would you be happier somewhere else?  The one thing you can’t change about your home is location – if you back to a busy street and yearn for quiet, you need to buy a good pair of earplugs or think about moving.

What’s your relationship with your neighbors? Do you nod hello when you see them but don’t know their names, or are you part of an active, social community where neighbors look out for each other?  It can be hard to replace a great neighborhood!

What, exactly, does your home need to make it work for you again (assuming it worked at one point)?  If you’d be satisfied with fresh paint and new flooring, you might not need to move.  But if you now have several children and are bursting at the seams, your renovation efforts might be more expensive (and difficult to live through) than the price difference to move up, especially with the extraordinary values that can be found in today’s real estate market.

And if you did the renovations you would love to have, would your home then be priced out of the market for resale? If you dream of a gourmet kitchen, spa-like master bath, and Brazilian cherry hardwoods throughout your home, and all of your neighbors are content with laminate counters, wall-to-wall carpeting, and a hall bath shared by all, your home will sell much more quickly but you won’t get the bang for your buck that you’d see with upgrades more appropriate for your neighborhood.

So what to do?  Put pen to paper – or keystrokes to computer – and write down exactly what no longer works in your current home. Get some bids on what it would cost to change it.  Talk to a real estate agent about the resale value of your home, and how your intended improvements match up with comparable neighborhood homes.  Find out what you’d need to pay (including closing costs and the costs of your move) to get into the home of your dreams.  And only then can you honestly answer the question – should you stay or should you go.

CATHY PERRY, our real estate guru, knows that buying or selling a home involves a lot more than looking at homes on the internet or putting a “for sale” sign in the yard.  With a background as a wealth management executive and an interior design entrepreneur, Cathy brings it all together into a concierge model of real estate services designed to give her clients the highest level of service and expertise. You can find Cathy at her blog or her website.

Have you tried to decide between staying or going? How have you made that decision? What tips do you have for making space work better?

Six years ago, on January 20th, 2006, Girlfriendology.com was ‘born.’ It started from a response to two girlfriends, Dana and Allison, dealing with cancer, as well as just a need to be around female friends. A little research confirmed – there’s a reason we NEED girlfriends! Female friendship actually makes women healthier, happier, less stressed, live longer and feel more beautiful.

So, I started blogging about female friendship. I was inspired by the amazing women who shared their stories about their girlfriends, who confirmed that our female friendship keep us afloat when we think we’re drowning. Women shared their lives and how their girlfriends had been there for them when they so needed it. We all know that feeling!

Thanks to the women who have helped us grow our online community of women to over 50,000 in our social media connections. (Do you follow us on Twitter? Are you our Friend on Facebook? Please?!) Thanks to the women who have inspired us, shared with us, contributed to Girlfriendology (all our guest bloggers and Girlfriend Gurus!), to our faithful ‘Chief of Insanely Brilliant Ideas’ Judi, supportive authors/fans like Susan Mallery, Kris Radish, Patricia Sands and so many more supportive girlfriends!

Six years of inspiring girlfriends! Let’s keep it going! Thanks Girlfriends!

Don’t forget to join us on Facebook and Twitter where we love to hang out with our girlfriends!

Last week on Girlfriendology:

• Our Great 2012 Sponsor: Biz Stain Fighter (also makers of Oxydol and Mean Green degreaser)
• Fit to be Styled – Girlfriend Fashion Advice from Girlfriend Guru, Donna Gamache
• 7 Healthy Ways to Be a Better Friend – How Girlfriends can help each other being healthier
• Food Beliefs I need to Ditch – by the Faux Diet Queen (our fave girlfriend who is helping us giggle our way to a healthier life)
• 6 Years of Girlfriendology - 6 Years of Amazing Girlfriends (:
• Get Healthy and Fit with your Girlfriends – by our BlogTalkRadio guest (& awesome girlfriend!) Crystal Collins! LISTEN IN to our great interview with Crystal! And get 7 weeks to a Healthier Life eBook (discount code GIRLFRIEND) $2.99 http://ow.ly/8ASI7 by Crystal Collins
• 5 Things Girlfriends should know – Great Girlfriend advice from Girlfriend Guru Donina Ifurung
• Let’s ask for what we want, Let’s Simplify – Girlfriend advice on making life a little bit easier
• How are your 2012 Resolutions going? – Girlfriend Guru Lisa McDonald Brown gives great girlfriend advice
• Should you work with your Girlfriends? – Girlfriend advice from Guest blogger Amanda DiSilvestro

JOIN US This Friday 2-2:30pm ET on BlogTalkRadio/Girlfriendology as we talk more about our fitness and health with guest JANA CURRIE.

Jana is a Wellness Coach who has helped 100s of women lose weight, gain strength, energy, and, above all, build confidence in themselves. Jana earned her Master’s degree in Health Education from the University of Cincinnati. She is a Certified Wellness Coach, Fitness Trainer, and Corporate Consultant. Jana has delivered fitness training, wellness coaching, and corporate health promotion services to Fortune 50, 100 and 500 clients throughout the country.

Join us on Friday, January 27th 2-2:30pm on BlogTalkRadio.com/Girlfriendology as we talk about how to fit, healthy and confident!

On Facebook.com/Girlfriendology:

• “A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.” Chinese Proverb http://ow.ly/8DJhv SING Girlfriend! (Happy Chinese New Year!)
• Amazing video – friends making music together, on Facebook.com/Girlfriendology 

  Click here to view the embedded video.

  Today’s Girlfriend Video Lunch Break (& my personal addiction!)
• “At first glance it may appear too hard. LOOK AGAIN. Always look again.” Maryanne Rodmacher http://ow.ly/8BLnv
• “Love More. Worry Less.” Great advice for your week. http://ow.ly/8CJpV

Girlfriend Guru and fashion expert Donna Gamache shares secrets for successfully finding your personal style “fit” in 2012.

It’s that time of year when we all start thinking about becoming more fit.  Who wouldn’t after all the holiday goodies and time away from our normal routine?  I know from experience that the gym will start to clear in a couple of months and that Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig will experience huge enrollments this month.  Since my expertise is in personal style and shape, I won’t give you a list of what to do to be physically fit.  What I will give you is a list of what you can do to ensure a good “fit” for your personal style and shape. No matter what size you are, it is important to dress in clothes that reflect who you are from the inside out and to dress in clothes that fit your body.

The best personal style “fit” is one based on your personality and not on some runway fashions or trends.

• What you choose to wear should reflect who you are on the inside.  If you are unsure of your personal style, you can get a free analysis at www.DonnaGamache.com.
• Select pieces that reflect you and your uniqueness. For example, if your style is Endless Romantic, you will want to choose pieces that are soft and ruffled or lacey rather than stiff, structured pieces.
• Avoid choosing what you wear based on what you see on others. This results in purchases that are either worn once or not at all.  Choose what you wear based on your personal style.

The best personal shape “fit” will ensure you look your best.

• Choose pieces that help create the appearance of perfect proportions both vertically and horizontally.
• Avoid clothes that are too tight or are too big.
• Don’t settle for the fit you get from a department store.  Find a good tailor that will make the right adjustments and give you a perfect fit.

Remember these simple guidelines the next time you go shopping so you get the right “fit” for your personal style and shape.

DONNA GAMACHE, speaker, author, and coach works with clients to help them create a Powerful Presence. Donna combines her personal experiences as an image consultant, boutique owner, representative for two designer lines of clothing, and the work she has done with entrepreneurial women as Executive Managing Director of eWomenNetwork, to help professionals define who they are on the inside so they present themselves authentically. She has two published books and hosts the monthly Gamache Panache radio show.

What are your style tips, girlfriend? How do you decide what the right fashion “fit” is for you?

Thanks Girlfriend Guru Donna for this great guest blog and for your others: Quick Changes for Festive Holiday Looks, True Beauty – 5 Steps to a Beautiful You, Appearance Matters and Trendy ways to wear Animal Prints. And speaking of Fall Fashion, here’s our fave fall fashionable footwear!

By the way, we LOVE guest blogs here at Girlfriendology. Have a great girlfriend story to tell? Want to celebrate your fabulous female friends? SHARE! (And, we also have Girlfriend Gurus – check that out to be featured on Girlfriendology!)

• Take a walk with a Girlfriend(s) – Nothing like a few blocks, trails or miles to catch up on our lives and reduce our stress with a little ‘girlfriend therapy.’ Plus, it doesn’t seem like exercise when we’re laughing and sharing stories and time with our favorite walking buddies. Set a regular walking time like every Saturday morning or Tuesday after work. Then schedule anything else around that time. Make exercising, and your friendships, a priority. You’ll be glad (and healthier) you did!
• Resolve to be Healthier with a Friend – Girlfriends who make resolutions together (like to get healthy/fit) are more successful than when we try to go it alone. Join up with a girlfriend to challenge each other to set and reach your fitness goals. Accountability with a friend is a great way of supporting each other and being healthy together!
• Start a ‘Get Healthy’ Girlfriend Group – Gather the girls who also want to get healthy and plan fun ways to exercise and enjoy each other’s company together. Encourage your friends to invite their friends who also want to tone up or lose weight. It’s a great way to meet new friends and to enjoy getting healthier together.
• Join a Gym Together – Nothing like a little girlfriendly-reminder to meet up for a class at the club or a half-hour catching up on side-by-side treadmills. Check with the gym – they probably offer partner discounts for more than one membership.
• Create a little ‘Friendly Competition’ – Make a bet on who can lose weight or inches by a certain date then encourage each other along the way. Great thing is you both lose which means you both win!
• Join Weight Watchers or other Diet/Exercise Programs Together – It’s not so fun to try something new alone – much better with a BFF. Start a diet program together then help each other be successful. (BTW – the Faux Diet Queen and I are doing the Shaklee Cinch diet together right now. It does make it more fun to diet with a girlfriend!)
• Celebrate your Success Together – Nothing beats an accomplishment more than celebrating it with someone who helped you reach your goal. Reward yourself for achieving your goals with a non-fattening celebration – like getting a mani-pedi together, or rewarding yourself with a new pair of shoes.

What are you and your girlfriends doing to get/stay healthy and fit?

LISTEN IN to our interview with Crystal Collins, The Thrifty Mama, about living a healthy, fit and even frugal lifestyle on our BlogTalkRadio show. And check out Crystal’s girlfriend advice about getting healthy with your girlfriends.

This week the FDQ is trying (once again) to be more realistic about how she thinks about food. Clearly, this is not something that can be accomplished in one week!

I have a closet full of clothes. I have clothes in pretty much every style that has come and gone over the last umpteen years, in every size ever manufactured on any continent, and in colors that range from “fab” to “should never, ever see the light of day.”

I have clothes that I have worn to shreds still taking up precious real estate in my home. I have clothes that still have the store tags on them. I have clothes in sizes so small it would be unhealthy to ever be able wear again (and even if I EVER got that small the styles are so outdated as to be laughable), but I can’t bring myself to part with them on the off-chance that I might become a miniature version of myself just as the fashion trends swing retro.

It is probably time to get rid of a few some a bunch a good percentage of the things in my closet.

It is also probably time to get rid of some of the excess nonsense hanging in my head.

As I have mentioned before, I have Food Issues. Not only do I have food baggage, I have a Creative Brain. Which means I can talk myself into believing I can eat pretty much anything at any time and not gain weight. Unfortunately, my hips have not memorized all of my crazy food beliefs. Which means I really do need to get rid of them. The beliefs and the oversized hips.

Here are ten more of my wonderful fabulous inventive ridiculous food beliefs.

1. If no one sees you eat it, there are no calories. It just plain doesn’t count.
2. If you drink Diet Coke, it offsets the rest of the calories for the meal.
3. Wine is a fruit. So is strawberry jam.
4. When you are eating your child’s leftovers, you are somehow doing good things for starving children.
5. When you eat your child’s leftovers, you are saving them from overeating.
6. When you eat your child’s leftovers, you’re making sure the food doesn’t go to waste so the calories don’t count.
7. If you share your food, the endorphins from feeling good about sharing will overpower the calories and you won’t gain weight.
8. Dark chocolate has antioxidants, so more must be better.­
9. If you can make a good joke about the food, you’ll stay thin.
10. The average woman gains about 5lbs a year. I’ve always been an overachiever.

So there they are. Ten more of the rationalizations I’ve used over the years to justify chopping down on whatever struck my fancy (or my plate). Getting rid of some of these is hard. Really hard. Even though I know they are a wee bit somewhat completely ridiculous, they are fun and comforting and friendly. But like clothes that I’ll never wear again, it is time to let them go.

The Faux Diet Queen is a Girlfriend and a Half, trying to find her Skinny Self. She wishes everyone a happy 2012 as she re-launches her weight loss journey.

What food beliefs do you have that you’re trying to let go? What tricks are you using to re-align how you look at food? And how on earth do you get rid of things in your closet?? Help the FDQ and all the rest of us by leaving your tips and tricks below in the comments section!

Girlfriendology / Debba here: We love our girlfriends no matter what size jeans they wear or what the scales tell them if they’re brave enough to get on them. (Something I personally avoid like the plague.) But, we also want our girlfriends to be around and healthy for a long time. We’re sharing this journey that our girlfriend, FDQ (the FAB Faux Diet Queen) because it’s what girlfriends do – we go through life and diets together (and shoe shopping, and highs and lows …). Join us on her journey to fitness and good health. We’re excited for her to motivate and inspire us all!

Here’s some more Faux Diet Queen ‘adventures’. Stop back next Friday for the next installment!

• Year End Interview — Girlfriendology Talks to the Faux Diet Queen
• Diet Re-Launch for the New Year
• ‘Tis the Night Before New Year — A Story
• Water, water everywhere – Pass the Chardonnay
• The Faux Diet Queen Talks Turkey / Thanksgiving
• Beliefs I need to Ditch – Food Baggage
• Meet the Faux Diet Queen
• I Hate the Scale and the Scale Hates Me
• The FDQ Faces the Great Cookie Onslaught–Advice Needed!
• Food Pushers and Food Police

p.s. If your food stories fall into a more serious topic, like emotional eating, we’ve got a great girlfriend for you to meet too – ELLEN SHUMAN. She’s shared great advice on emotional eating on various guest blogs and podcasts. (Her podcast on emotional eating is our #1 listened to interview so lots of us have some emotional eating issues or friends/family who do.)

Six years ago I struggled with why I ‘needed’ my girlfriends so much. Two of my dear friends, Dana and Allison, were fighting cancer and I was consciously aware of needing to be with my female friends (both of them and other wonderful women in my life). It was so strong that I created a blog to explore it. I called it ‘Girlfriendology’ and started exploring why women need each other so deeply.

Fortunately I found a profound book, The Tending Instinct by Shelley E. Taylor, which studied our need for female friendship and shared research findings and examples that proved – we actually do NEED girlfriends. In fact, female friendship makes women healthier, happier, less stressed, and live longer. (A Dove study also proved that girlfriends help our self-esteem – we feel more beautiful because of our girlfriends!)

So, I continued to explore this wonderful relationship between women and I found it resonated with so many other women. We LOVE our girlfriends. We LOVE having female friends who care about our day, who share our highs and lows, who laugh and cry with us, and who are there with us through life’s changes and stages.

Six years later, here we are – with over 1600 blog posts, over 275 BlogTalkRadio/Podcast interviews with inspiring women, more than 24,000 female Facebook Friends (we delete guys!) and almost 25,000 Twitter followers (we delete most guys). We’ve created eBooks on female friendship and had events that brought women together. We’ve joined with other friendship bloggers to create the Friendship Circle. Here we are with a wonderful ‘Chief of Insanely Brilliant Ideas’ – the fabulous JUDI, 30ish Girlfriend Gurus, so many fabulous women who have share guest blogs and, NEW in 2012, a sponsor this year – the fabulous BIZ STAIN FIGHTER (thanks Biz!).

We’re so blessed for these wonderful women (and companies) who have supported Girlfriendology. There is no way we’d still be here without you.

• To our readers, fans, followers and FRIENDS – THANK YOU for allowing us into your lives and screens. Thanks for caring and sharing. Thanks (mucho!) for sharing us with your friends.
• To Judi, our great Girlfriend Guru’s, all the women who have contributed guest blogs and been guests on our BlogTalkRadio show. You inspire us and so many women by sharing your girlfriend advice and inspiration.
• To the companies, like BIZ, who have supported us – THANKS for being our favorite brands and friends!
• To amazing women who share Girlfriendology with their wonderful communities of women – YOU ROCK! You know who you are! (Okay – like Irene Levine, Shasta Nelson, everyone in the Friendship Circle; great authors like Susan Mallery, Kris Radish and Patricia Sands; and all our wonderful blogger girlfriends like Carole, Kelly, Zippy, Sandy, Courtney, Andrea, Crystal, Tiffany and so many others!) (Also, Cath, Joanne, Krista, Sue, Tina, Becky, Jill, Deana, Rhonda, Barb, Anne, Molly, and too many other great girlfriends to list! I’m so blessed with great friends!)
• To the women who celebrate their friends – THANKS for inspiring us and so many!

Thanks for being our girlfriends for six wonderful years of Girlfriendology!

It’s true. We’re much more successful when we diet/get fit if we enlist a friend in our goals. To prove it, we’re enlisting a friend in getting us motivated to get healthy and fit with our girlfriends – the awesome and inspiring frugal and healthy blogger, CRYSTAL COLLINS. Crystal’s blog, ThriftyMama.com, helps women make our lives better by being more aware of our spending and our healthy habits (or lack thereof!). Crystal is also a contributor to the FREE eBook – How to Save Money and Time.

Check out the following then join us Friday, January 20th, 2-2:30pm ET on BlogTalkRadio.com/Girlfriendology to find out how to be healthy, fit, frugal and fabulous – like our amazing girlfriend CRYSTAL COLLINS!

5 Tips to Get Healthy and Fit With Your Girlfriends

If you’ve ever flown on a plane, then you know that the flight attendants always instruct you to place the air mask on yourself before assisting another passenger. It doesn’t help anyone if you pass out. You have to take care of yourself first, so that you can then take care of others.

I believe the same goes for multiple areas of life. How can you be the best girlfriend possible to your friends, if you aren’t seeing to your own health and physical well-being? 2012 is a great time to turn your health and fitness around, to better yourself and better your friendships.

Here are five simple ways that you can start getting healthy and fit today.

1. Cut out the boxed stuff from the store. By simply eliminating those boxed pastas, cookies, cake mixes, etc… you can drastically improve your diet and possibly start losing weight.
2. Start eating more raw fruits and vegetables. If you’re not a fan of leafy greens, try including them in a smoothie with some of your favorite items like strawberries, yogurt and honey. You won’t even be able to tell there’s spinach in that smoothie!
3. Start walking with a friend. One of the easiest ways to get fit and have more energy is to start a daily walking routine. Just twenty minutes, five days a week can have a tremendous impact on your health and mood level. Need some accountability? Join the 30 Day Fitness Challenge.
4. Drink water. Sodas are some of the worst things you can consume if you are trying to be healthy. Even those diet sodas are filled with chemicals and sodium that promote weight-gain. Focus instead on drinking at least 8-8oz glasses of filtered water a day. The water helps remove toxics and improves circulation. If you aren’t a fan of drinking water, flavor it naturally with some fresh fruit or mint leaves.
5. Choose natural sweeteners. Bleached sugar, high fructose corn syrup, aspartame and sucralose (Splenda) are the ones to watch out for on your food labels. Instead choose items that contain raw or whole cane sugar, stevia or raw honey. You can read up more on other natural sweetener options.

If you’re struggling to get healthy and fit in the New Year, then join up with a girlfriend or two for accountability. As you work together and keep each other accountable, you’ll find yourself getting healthier and your friendship bonds growing stronger.

Crystal Collins is a self-proclaimed health and fitness nut, who writes for TheThriftyMama.com, and is the author of Not Your Mama’s Crunchy Granola! – 7 Weeks to a Healthier Lifestyle! Get your copy of her book for $2.99 with coupon code GIRLFRIEND. (Plus, she’s one of the founders of Savvy Blogging Summit – an amazing conference and group of bloggers who share so much support and knowledge. Check them out and if you’re coming to the Savvy Blogging Summit, I’ll see you there – I’m speaking!)

Please note that you should always contact your physician before beginning a new diet or fitness regimen. This post is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended to substitute for professional advice of any kind.

THANKS CRYSTAL! Such great girlfriend advice!

Join us Friday, January 20th, 2-2:30pm ET on BlogTalkRadio.com/Girlfriendology to find out how to be healthy, fit, frugal and fabulous – like our amazing girlfriend CRYSTAL COLLINS!

But for each of us, there are repairs we shy away from and call in someone else to help us. Girlfriend Guru Donina Ifurung shares five things we should know how to do in our own lives.

I’m a single woman. I am also very independent, having had to learn to deal with situations that would have required a man. But sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do. And in those critical times when I had to “do what I had to do,” I learned some valuable things, and pass them on to other women.

Women, whether you are single or married, handy or dainty, brave or timid, be empowered by being a know-it-all with these five things:

1. Know where the electrical breaker is located at your house. This is something I learned as a kid, as a matter of fact. Living in a household of five people, there was bound to be a trip somewhere. My father showed my entire family where the circuit box was. So instead of calling the electric company when you find that your lights and appliances just went out, (and you are certain you paid your bill), try the circuit breaker box first. Most circuit boxes have written instructions, and you will find that flipping the switch is as easy as the “on/off” button.

2. Know where and how to turn off the main water valve. I live in Southern California which is earthquake country. And one of the main emergency things to do is to turn off gadgets that may potentially be harmful (such as gas valves), or which can potentially be disastrous, such as a leaking water line. Though you may not have to deal with an act of God, perhaps you come home to a sopping wet carpet, and find that one of the pipes burst. Knowing where and how to turn off the main water valve will save you, and minimize any further damage.

3. Know basic car stuff. I am no mechanic! I stress out every time my car sounds or rides funny. However, I know the basics: how to check for fluid levels such as oil, transmission, brakes, and windshield cleaner. It is also good to know the basic parts under the hood: which is the engine, radiator, battery and its connectors, and of course, where the various fluids should go (never put the wrong fluid in the wrong reservoir!). Autos these days are very user-friendly, and when you pop your hood (learn how to do that, too), there are color-coded diagrams underneath that will indicate which one is the reservoir for the oil, radiator, brake fluid, etc.). Learn also how to check tire pressure, and how to put air in your tires!

Notice that I did not get into learning how to change a tire. I truly leave that to an expert. First of all, even with a tire wrench, those lug nuts are bolted in by a machine, and secondly, if I can call the Auto Club of Southern California, and have them get dirty, then by all means….

4. Budgeting and saving basics. I admit that I am not great with money. Math is not my forte, and basic accounting makes my palms sweat and my heart palpitate. But I have trained myself to put together and follow an Excel spreadsheet of my monthly expenses. Having had bounced checks in the past because I sort of remembered or thought I had enough money in my account is not the way to go! I know that we girls love to shop, and Target and Trader Joe’s suck me in every time. However, you can pay for it now in plastic, but if you are not a budgeting and saving diva, you will definitely pay for it later – at a much steeper price! Take time to budget, and learn to ask yourself these questions: “Do I love it? Do I really need it now? Can I wait until next month?”

5. Dressing from day -> night. I saved the fun “must-do” for last. I am a fashion girl. I love style, clothes, shoes, and being a girl! And I am also on a budget (see #4). Be a creative style maven by learning how to wear pieces that can go from day to night. You don’t need to lug an extra outfit (and for me, that would also include another pair of shoes, jewelry, purse, and perfume) to work if you plan to go out later for drinks with co-workers, girlfriends, or will meet your significant other for a romantic dinner. You can go from office pro to chic and sexy with a quick change in jacket, blouse, or even jewelry. Go ahead wear the sleeveless dress to work, but cover it with a nice blazer or cardigan, and then expose those shoulders for after-hours schmoozing.

As women, we get a lot done! Now you won’t have to wait for someone to rescue you in the “little emergencies.”

DONINA IFURUNG is the founder and owner of On High Heels, a boutique P.R. and Media Relations company catering to women entrepreneurs in beauty, fashion and luxury lifestyles. A self-described bookworm and scribe, she is like Cupid – creating a love connection between people and the media by writing snazzy pitches that turns heads. Though into fitness, Donina loves chocolate, wine, and (gasp!) shoes. She’s nuts for her adorable nephews and wants two boxer dogs.

What have you become a Know-It-All (or a Know-It-Enough) about? What is your advice on things we should all learn how to do? (And what do you kinda wish you knew how to handle on your own?)

We also want to know how you learned to do all these repairs/fix-its/preventative care chores. Who taught you? Do you help other women you meet?

And, by the way, we LOVE guest blogs here at Girlfriendology. Have a great girlfriend story to tell? Want to celebrate your fabulous female friends? SHARE! (And, we also have Girlfriend Gurus – check that out to be featured on Girlfriendology!)

Check out these great guest blogs by girlfriend guru Donina Ifurung – Girls and the Art of Togetherness, Simple Holiday Entertaining Girlfriend Advice, and Giving Big on a Small Budget – Holiday Advice. Thanks Donina! You rock, girlfriend!

We had the great opportunity to work with Biz in the past in this fun commercial and were even in 57 million newspapers sharing our ‘Girlfriendology Recommended’ partner. Here’s more about …

Biz Stain Fighter Liquid and Powder

No matter what detergent you use, some stains are too stubborn for detergent alone. That’s why there’s Biz. Biz is the laundry expert’s secret weapon for stain fighting. Biz was created by a team of stain cleaning experts to be the ultimate weapon for removing tough stains that detergents just can’t clean. Biz can be used as a pre-treater (directly on the stain) or as an additive (just pour it into the wash along with your detergent). It’s safe to use on colored garments and on whites. In independent third party laboratory tests, Biz was proven to be more effective at specific stain removal than the leading competitors. Biz is also safe for HE machines. Biz is available in powder and liquid, in a variety of sizes. (Follow Biz on Facebook!) Click here to find Biz in a store near you.

Biz is owned by CR Brands who also have these other trusted cleaning solutions (and, by the way, manufactures in South Carolina, USA!):

Mean Green Degreaser

Mean Green Super Strength was launched in 1990 and has been the foundation for the Mean Green brand and associated line extensions. Mean Green is an affordable Household cleaning product. Other Mean Green products include Mildew Stain Destroyer, Bath, Tub, & Tile Cleaner, Daily Shower, and Orange Scented Cleaner. Mean Green is available in 40 oz, 32 oz  and 20 oz sizes as well as refills. Mean Green is also available in Industrial sizes. Follow Mean Green on Facebook

Oxydol

First created in 1927, Oxydol detergent has been satisfying consumers longer than any other detergent on the market. Here’s why: Enzyme is a key ingredient found in higher priced premium detergents. Oxydol has maintained its loyal following by offering a premium enzyme-based formula at a price comparable to lower tier detergents without enzyme. With Oxydol, consumers get more for their money. Oxydol comes in a variety of great scents, it smells so good, they named one version, Smells So Good, another is Bingo Bango Mango, Lavendar and a True Free one as well. Oxydol is available in Powder and Liquid in a variety of sizes. Click here to find Oxydol in a store near you.

And … Oxydol and Biz are the official laundry team for the Cincinnati Reds! Check out this fun video about this professional baseball team washes uniforms.

Check out their websites for more information as well as where you can purchase these great cleaning products!

WHAT’S COMING FOR BIZ, MEAN GREEN & OXYDOL IN 2012?

We’re glad you asked!

January 15 – February 26th – WIN a $5000 new ‘Boost Your Style’ wardrobe on A&E THANKS to BIZ!

Biz teams up with Disney for the upcoming release of Lady & the Tramp Diamond Edition, for the first time on Blu-ray™ and DVD combo pack. On January 29^th, Biz will drop over 55 million coupons in the Sunday paper with a $4 savings offer when you buy any Biz product and Lady and the Tramp on Blu-ray or DVD combo pack which is released in stores February 7^th – coupon expires 3/31/12 and is good in U.S. only.  See $4 coupon on Lady and the Tramp store displays and on specially marked packages of Biz for complete details.

Mean Green has a “New, More Powerful Formula”.  Even tougher than before.  Put Mean Green on your shopping list for your Spring Cleaning.

And – LOTS more! Check back here at Girlfriendology for all the latest scoop on Biz, Mean Green and Oxydol in 2012!

Again, we can’t THANK BIZ enough! Their sponsorship helps bring you Girlfriendology and helps us inspire women to be better friends. (Plus, all three products are great to recommend to girlfriends who want to trust their cleaning brands to do what they’re supposed to!)

Sometimes life is simple. My dog shows me this everyday. He barks at the door, that means he wants out. If I come a little too close, he rolls over to show me his belly for a little loving belly scratch. And, when he’s hungry, I’ll find him in the kitchen staring (STARING!) at his food bowl. He’s pretty obvious about what would make him happy. And I, as a loving ‘mom,’ enjoy the clear (and sometimes funny) communication.

But we humans tend to complicate things. We say things we don’t actually mean and hope our friends and family will KNOW what we MEANT. We sometimes do things that don’t really represent how we things or feel – like going for months without speaking to each other and trusting, hoping our friends know that they’re still important in our life. We ‘get busy’ and don’t respond to an email, or we concentrate on work and not on the people who make it so fun to ‘not work.’

Here’s some girlfriend advice on it I found somewhere (sorry, I don’t know the original author to credit):

Why COMPLICATE Life?

Missing somebody? Call
Wanna meet up? Invite
Wanna be understood? Explain
Have questions? Ask
Don’t like something? Say it
Like something? State it
Want something? Ask for it
Love someone? Tell them

Nobody will know what’s going on in your mind…
It’s better to express rather than expect …
You already have the NO, take the risk of getting the YES
We only have one Life
Keep it Simple Silly

Who are you expecting to read your mind? Who might you be neglecting? What are you over-complicating? And, the BIG one – what friend do you LOVE but you don’t show or share it?

As girlfriends, let’s try to simplify a few things. If we’re missing each other, let’s actually pick up the phone and call. (Remember, Sundays are ‘Phone a Friend Day’ on Facebook.com/Girlfriendology – ‘friend’ us there to get a FRIENDly reminder every Sunday!) If we like something or someone, let’s share it – and show some ‘girlfriend gratitude.’ Let’s be a little more like my funny pup and share what we need and show how we feel. I’m sure he’d wag his tail over that!

Are you still focused on your resolutions? Have you found new resolutions that actually work for you? Health and Fitness Girlfriend Guru Lisa McDaniel Brown hasn’t stuck to all her resolutions either. But she has made some discoveries which she shares with us this week.

New Year’s resolutions—remember those? Perhaps you were one of the millions of people who, just a few weeks ago, vowed to work out more, give up sweets, and eat more veggies and fruits, yada, yada, yada. Maybe you even joined a gym!

So……how are things going? Did you give up sweets? Are your eating only nutritious, whole foods? Are you getting up at 4 in the morning to squeeze in a workout before your hectic business day begins?

Me neither.

But, I’ll tell you what I have done to make a very positive change in my life—I saw a movie.

Not just any movie, but one that changed my life and the lives of a couple of friends.

The reason I am mentioning it to all you girlfriends is because virtually everyone I’ve asked has never heard of it.

It’s called Forks Over Knives.

It may change your life. Or you may not be ready for it. That’s for you to decide. But why not grab a few girlfriends, a few adult beverages, and watch it together? Make it a party!

Here’s what it’s about: Forks Over Knives examines the profound claim that most, if not all, of the degenerative diseases that afflict us can be controlled, or even reversed, by rejecting animal-based and processed foods.

I know it doesn’t sound like a party but you’ll want to talk to someone after seeing this film, and if your girlfriends have watched it with you, you’ll be with the best listeners and conversationalists you know

Resolve to see Forks Over Knives, especially if you wanted to start the New Year with some kind of action that would improve your health and well being.

Forks over Knives can be found on Netflix and they have an extensive web site, www.forksoverknives.com.

It could make for a very happy, healthy new year!!

LISA MCDANIEL BROWN is a health and nutrition expert. Before blogging and speaking, Lisa was a broadcaster, PR/Marketing professional, and event planner with a degree in Communications. Her passion for health & well-being was nurtured from an early age – her father was a physician who specialized in weight control and longevity (and he’s still alive & thriving at age 97). Lisa grew up thinking everyone knew how to eat well and live their best life!

Have you seen the film Forks Over Knives? What did you think? What films have you seen that have made a profound difference in how you think? We’d love to hear your thoughts–please leave a comment below.

Thanks Lisa for sharing! We’re thankful for the generous sharing of women’s wisdom here on Girlfriendology. Check out her previous blog posts – Oops – I forgot to eat healthy today and Start a Healthy Holiday Tradition (both – great girlfriend advice!).

And, by the way, we LOVE guest blogs here at Girlfriendology. Have a great girlfriend story to tell? Want to celebrate your fabulous female friends? SHARE! (And, we also have Girlfriend Gurus – check that out to be featured on Girlfriendology!)

But we also know that working with friends can have pitfalls. Guest blogger Amanda DiSilvestro share her thoughts on the benefits (and the risks) of working with your friends.

I have to admit, the minute a position opens at my company all of my girlfriends are running through my head. If I know a friend who could work in that position, I would be on the phone with them right away asking them to apply for the job. Why? Because a job at my company is a great opportunity and I want the best for my friend. While I tell myself this is the absolute reason I would make such a fuss over an open position, I cannot help but admit it: A little part of me just wants to work with my friends.

After all, wouldn’t work be so much more fun if you had your friends there to get you through it? As I contemplated this idea I came up with several reasons why I would love to work with my best girlfriend:

Working with a Girlfriend is the Best!

• Security – It’s always reassuring to know that someone has your back. If you get in trouble or make a mistake, it’s nice to know that someone will cover for you no matter what.
• Entertainment – Work would be more fun. The workweek is long, so it would be nice to have someone to joke around with on breaks.
• Great Advice – Most people have no one they can talk to about their job. You can vent to your girlfriends all you want, but they can’t understand to the full extent because they don’t know what it is really like at your job. Having a friend at work would be great because she would be able to offer you real advice having experienced your co-workers and the culture in your office.
• Efficiency – You and your girlfriend know each other well, so if you were ever asked to create a business proposal together you would do a great job. You might know what the other one is thinking, so collaboration would be simple. If there was something you disagree with, you wouldn’t be afraid to voice your opinions.

I think a lot of women get excited thinking about the possibility of working with a best friend. It would make the workday go by faster, and that’s the point. Right? It almost wouldn’t be like work at all. Unfortunately, this thought ended my excitement. As it turns out, I could come up with just as many ideas discussing why working with your girlfriend isn’t a good idea:

Never Mix Business with Your Girlfriends

• Productivity – Work shouldn’t be about having fun; it should be about getting your work done. If you can have fun and get your work done then that’s great, but first and foremost you should focus on doing your career the best you can.
• Distractions – Going along with that idea, girlfriends would likely cause a distraction while you are working. You may be doing something very important and they may want to have a chat. This would greatly hinder your work performance, and in the end could actually put you behind on your work.
• Disagreements – With work comes a lot of opinions. If you and your girlfriend are working together you are likely to have a disagreement at one point or another. Even though it is work related, it could hinder your friendship outside of the office.
• Gossip – If there is ever confidential information at work, you will not be able to tell your friend. This could go one of two ways: First, you could tell your friend anyway and get in a lot of trouble. Second, you could keep the information from her but then will not be able to get advice from any of your friends because then you run the risk that they will tell her (you probably shouldn’t tell you friends anyway, but let’s be honest: It happens).
• Professionalism – You likely take your job very seriously, and this means acting professional in the office. You will not be able to talk to your girlfriend the way you would outside of work, and that could hurt the friendship. Many times girlfriends have no idea how someone acts in a professional setting, and in many ways this is a good thing.

I think the biggest thing to remember is that whatever happens at work does overlap into your life outside of work. Think about your job now even when you don’t work with a girlfriend. It absolutely affects your entire life. You are at work 40 hours per week (sometimes more) and you come home and want to talk about work. It is what is on your mind. Sometimes you may have a bad day and want nothing more than for it to disappear, but your girlfriend would know about it if she worked with you. Do you really want all of your girlfriends knowing what happens during your work hours? Sometimes yes, but sometimes no. Which is more important?

AMANDA DISILVESTRO is a writer on topics ranging from social media to employee background checks. She writes for an online resource that gives advice on topics including document software to small businesses and entrepreneurs for the leading business directory, Business.com.

What do you think? Have you ever worked with a girlfriend (or two)? Did it go well? Were there problems? Share your story and experiences in the comments below. We want to hear from you, girlfriend!

By the way, we LOVE guest blogs here at Girlfriendology. Have a great girlfriend story to tell? Want to celebrate your fabulous female friends? SHARE! (And, we also have Girlfriend Gurus – check that out to be featured on Girlfriendology!)

The story of Girlfriendology began with a girlfriend story (as, of course, it should!). Two girlfriends, Dana and Allison,  were dealing with cancer. I was overwhelmed with a need to be around my female friends – not just Dana and Allison, but all my friends. I wanted to spend time with my girlfriends to learn how to be a better friend to Dana and Allison. I wanted to be near the wonderful women in my life to give me strength and knowledge.

So, I created Girlfriendology as a ‘love letter’ to my friends.

That was six years (1/20/06), 1600+ blog posts, 275+ interviews with inspiring women (podcasts and BlogTalkRadio shows), 25+ blogger/social media conferences, a TV commercial and national newspaper ad feature, dozens of advertisers and sponsors (most recently our new sponsor Biz Stain Fighter signed on for our 2012 main sponsor!) (including Honda, T-Mobile, Sears, Kroger, Visa, Frito-Lay, Healthy Choice, The UPS Store, etc.) AGO! And lots of memories made with the fabulous female friends that inspire me and the girlfriends who contribute on Girlfriendology.

Just a word of thanks to the wonderful women who have helped me keep this story going – and hopefully inspired women to be better friends:

• Our ‘Chief of Insanely Brilliant Ideas’ – JUDI – for your amazing dedication, support and example of great girlfriendship
• Kris Radish – Bestselling author of so many fabulous books was our first podcast and video ‘celebrity.’ She rocks! (Read her books!)
• Susan Mallery – Another bestselling author of fabulous books who has been our girlfriend for years (she rocks too!)
• Friendship Circle – Great girlfriends who care about female friendship and inspire so many women. Thanks especially Irene and Shasta for your long-time friendship and support!

Last week on Girlfriendology …

• Maintaining Long-Distance Friendships – A GREAT guest blog by our Girlfriend Guru JENNIFER HALL
• Why is Life Better Together with your Girlfriends - The wonderful benefits of female friendship
• The Faux Diet Queen Year-End Interview – Our silly sista-friend talks about her year of dieting
• Girlfriend Activities for the New Year – Go out with the Girls!
• New Year, New Opportunity to be a Better Friend – Guest blog by Danae Matthews
• The New Year & Time for Girlfriends – from Girlfriend Guru Rachel Awes

This week on Girlfriendology …

• Great guest blogs and posts from our wonderful Girlfriend Gurus – don’t miss their fabulous female advice!
• JOIN US on Friday at 2:00pm ET for our BlogTalkRadio interview with the Thrifty Mama herself - Crystal Collins. We’ll chat about being more natural, healthy and even frugal in 2012 – she has GREAT girlfriend advice.

Again, THANKS to our 2012 sponsor – Biz Stain Fighter. We love your products (Mean Green and Oxydol too!) and love working with you. And – for our girlfriends especially in Dayton and Cincinnati OH – check out Oxydol and Mean Green at Walgreens. Easy on your wallet but tough on dirt!

Sometimes it can be so hard to maintain friendships when distances (and time zones) separate you. Sometimes it’s the easiest thing in the world.

Girlfriend Guru Jennifer Hall shares her tips for keeping a healthy long-distance friendship.

It is absolutely possible to maintain a fantastic friendship even when geography is in the way.

I am an expert on this. You see, I have successfully held down a great friendship with my high school BFF ever since we graduated 20 years ago this year.

In this day and age, with the wonderful world of the interwebs, there is really no excuse for not staying in touch with someone. Honestly. (Unless you just don’t want to.)

My BFF and I are old enough that we used to HAND WRITE each other cards and letters and USE THE TELEPHONE. Crazy, right?

In honor of her birthday this month, I thought I would share with you how we do it!

• Email each other nearly every day. Usually with subjects as simple as “Monday.”
• Connected via social networking. Facebook friends, Twitter tweeps, read and support each others’ blogs.
• Remember each others’ important dates. It is so extremely EASY to click around, find and order your friend gifts and have them shipped directly to her.
• Travel to be a part of each others’ important events. Maids of Honor and Godmother’s duties.
• Send each other pictures of your kids. Every time you have portraits or school pictures done, you set a couple aside for your BFF.
• Keep each other clued in on things going on in your life, from the major life events to the mundane work related angst. It’s all important to friends.
• Texting and phone calls.

Sure, it can be a huge disappointment not to have your friend close by to do things with, to swap babysitting or have a girl’s night in. But I am here to say that this doesn’t have to lessen the bond between you.

The most excellent quote on the matter:

“There is magic in long-distance friendships. They let you relate to other human beings in a way that goes beyond being physically together and is often more profound.” ~Diana Cortes

Truly. If you can maintain a connection with someone you cannot physically see very often, that has got to be one of the most special relationships you’ll ever have. It should be nurtured and treasured and honored.

But it takes effort, on both your parts. You both have to decide you want this friendship to be sustained. And then you follow through by doing some or all of the things listed above.

It’s like you decide to pretend that you’re NOT in fact separated by distance. Do all the same things you would with any friend, whether near or far. It’s merely a technicality that you have to run to the post office from time to time

Over the past 20 years, my long distance friendship has stood the test of time, growing deeper and more meaningful as the years pass. Anyone can have that. We define our relationships, not the circumstances we happen to be in.

JENNIFER HALL is a SAHM of a daughter and a son, married to a diabetic on dialysis. She enjoys knitting, scrapbooking, reading, and TV. She’s visually impaired and describes herself as anxious, traumatized, dorky, funny, real, and says her “life is a roller coaster and I’m blogging my way through it all!” As an only child, her Girlfriends are like sisters to her. She believes in learning, growing, living, loving, and laughing. She is grateful.

What are your tips for minimizing the distance that geography imposes? How do you keep up friendships when you don’t live near each other? Share your tips with us below.

Jennifer is one of our gorgeous, great Girlfriend Gurus – which means she shares her girlfriend insights and inspiration here on Girlfriendology every month. Want to join her and the dozens of other Girlfriend Gurus who we love to feature on Girlfriendology? (Visit Girlfriend Gurus.) Here’s another great blog post by Jennifer: Judge Not Girlfriends, Finding Mom Friends and Make time for YOU, Plan a GNO / Girl’s Night Out!

Other friendship girlfriend advice:

• Supporting girlfriends through unconventional decisions
• Are your social media girlfriends real friends?
• Girlfriend advice for Step-Moms
• It takes a village – women supporting women

Think about your schedule. We women take care of our families, often have jobs, volunteer, chauffeur, tutor, clean, shop, cook and manage our own, and our family’s, busy schedules. Chart that out on a daily calendar and we’re running from one task to the other (and often multi-tasking) non-stop with little to no time left over for ourselves. We’re stressed. Often, really stressed!

Families are important and women are great at taking care of them. We just need to take our own ‘time out’ for ourselves and our friends. Why? Well, research* shows that women who spend time with their girlfriends are happier, healthier and live longer. When we’re with our girlfriends, our stress decreases and our happiness increases. We’re rejuvenated by sharing together, laughing and just being ourselves with others who accept us as we are – regardless of if we have baby spit on our blouse or our gray hairs are gaining momentum!

Remember when you were a young girl and how important your girlfriends were to you? Do you remember your first best friend and the fun times that you spent together? Funny how we learned so much from our girlfriends growing up – from how to wear make-up to the cheerleading try-out routine, and which teachers to take classes from to where to hang out with friends.

Actually, whether you’re 10 or a 110, you still need girlfriends. Girlfriends follow us through all phases of our lives – from puberty and dealing with that wild ride of hormones and emotions, to becoming independent and making life decisions, through marriage and having children. It doesn’t end there as most of us have long-time girlfriends who have transitioned between these phases and help us through tough times like losing jobs, marriages and people we love.

Our girlfriends are there for us through life changes and weight variations, through good and not-so-good hairstyles and ever-changing skirt lengths! They stand by us through good times and bad, happy and sad events. Together we can weather any storm – be it natural disasters or really bad haircuts. Side-by-side, somehow all the stress of our wacky schedules and responsibility of our families are manageable.

Actually we are ‘hard-wired’ to need female friendship. In her book, The Tending Instinct, by Shelley E. Taylor, Dr. Taylor found that early stress research was only conducted on men. When she applied the same tests to women, she proved that women and men react very differently to stress. Men respond with ‘fight or flight’ – an impulse to become aggressive or just walk-away from the stressful situation. Women however don’t have that reaction. We prefer to ‘tend and befriend.’ When we’re stressed, we want to take care of our children AND be with our girlfriends. And, in spending time with our girlfriends, we actually reduce our stress and improve our overall health.

Think about when you’ve been stressed. Did you call a girlfriend to talk? Email a friend to take your mind off the stressful situation? Even go shopping with your daughter or girlfriend for a little ‘retail therapy’? Those are all perfect remedies for dealing with stress. And, on the other side, if we can be there for a girlfriend when she’s stressed, we feel a little better ourselves for being a true friend.

Are you feeling a little stressed? Want to live a healthier, happier lifestyle? Call up a girlfriend! Make plans to get together. Email a long distance friend and catch her up on your life, and ask her about hers. Take time for your girlfriends. Life really IS better together!

How do your girlfriends make YOUR life better? How do you show your girlfriend gratitude?

Want a little girlfriend inspiration? Check out these great girlfriend books:
• The Tending Instinct: Women, Men and the Biology of our Relationships, by Shelley E. Taylor. Dr. Taylor studied the difference between men and women, with a focus on how we deal with stress (and life!) differently. Fascinating book on why women need girlfriends!
• Girlfriends for Life: Invisible Bonds, Enduring Ties, by Carmen Renee Berry and Tamara Traeder – provides a collection of women speaking about various aspects and blessings of female friendships. Discover what qualities make a friendship last a lifetime, why some women have lots of friends and others don’t, etc.
• The Girlfriends Bible, by Cathy Hamilton – a fun, funny approach to female friendship. Cathy offers wit and wisdom through hilarious “scriptures” that women can and do live by, like: “I shalt not steal your boyfriend, hairdo, or signature color.”
• The Secret Language of Girlfriends: Talking Loudly, Laughing Wildly, and Making the Most of Our Most Important Friendships, by Karen Neuburger and Nadine Schiff – A joyful celebration of female friendships through a collection of stories on love, laughter and inspiration between girlfriends.

At the start of the new year, we thought it would be a good idea to visit with the Faux Diet Queen and see what was on her mind for 2012. So we sent our intern, let’s call her Leslie, out to meet and interview the ever-inventive FDQ. This may not have been the world’s best idea since when Leslie returned, she grabbed a jar of peanut butter and a spoon, locked herself in the restroom for a week, and only recently slipped a copy of her interview under the door.

Here, minus the peanut butter smudges, is the interview. Or at least the parts we felt we could publish.

Leslie: What will you miss most about 2011? Is there anything that will be hard to say goodbye to?

FDQ: Of course! 2011 was a great year. It will be hard to say goodbye to the tiramisu I had last July. It was absolutely scrumptious and I’m still trying to get it off my hips. It will be hard to say goodbye to the layer of fat on my back. Back fat is really only good in pork, right? But I am having a terrible time convincing it to leave. So yes, that will be hard.

Leslie: Is there anything you won’t miss?

FDQ: I won’t miss the 27 pounds I lost.

Leslie: You lost 27 pounds? That’s fantastic.

FDQ: Unfortunately, I gained 24.

Leslie: oh… How many diets were you on in 2011?

FDQ: Several. Sometimes more than one at a time.

Leslie: Excuse my ignorance, but how can you be on more than one diet at a time?

FDQ: It’s not difficult, but you do have to be extremely organized. For example, first you eat the breakfast from Diet A, then the breakfast from Diet B. Later snack from Diet A, then snack from Diet B. And so on, throughout the day.

Leslie: And you were able to lose weight on two diets?

FDQ: Well, dear, you know what they say: Two diets are better than one.

Leslie: I think the saying is “two heads are better than one.”

FDQ: Mere details. They were probably talking about heads of lettuce. In any event, I can say with certainty that two diets provide more food, more variety, and less hunger than just one. Most importantly, since it’s a diet, it has to be good for you.

Leslie: So you were able to lose weight like that?

FDQ: Who said I lost weight? As I recall, I gained about 18 pounds in 3 weeks.

Leslie: ahh….er…um…

FDQ: Here, sweetie. Have a cookie. Or two.

Leslie: What can we expect from you in 2012?

FDQ: Hopefully, you can expect less of me. The physical me, I mean. I’ll still be sharing all my food baggage, interesting tidbits I learn from interesting people, and I plan to start answering some of the reader mail that’s started to pile up.

Leslie: Are you planning to follow a specific diet?

FDQ: Several, perhaps! I am very excited about my Second Diet of the Year.

Leslie: Second? Already?

FDQ: Well, yes. My first began at midnight on New Year’s Eve and ended when I woke up and went to brunch. (Delish!)

Leslie: Can you tell us about this Second Diet?

FDQ: I like to refer to it as Diet Deux. It’s new. I’m getting help from a friend. And I’m planning to keep a diary that I’ll share here in this blog.

Leslie: Can you give us a hint?

FDQ: Sure. It involves food. Eating some; not eating others.

Leslie: How do you prepare for a new diet?

FDQ: I usually make sure that all the tempting food is out of the house…

Leslie: You give it away?

FDQ: I eat it. I also like to raise a handful of chocolate chips in a goodbye toast. Hmmmm…toast sounds like a good idea too….

Leslie: ……er….. Anything else you’d like to tell our girlfriends?

FDQ: Happy 2012!

The Faux Diet Queen is a Girlfriend and a Half, trying to find her Skinny Self. She wishes everyone a happy 2012 as she re-launches her weight loss journey.

Editor’s Note: We want to hear about your plans to be healthier in 2012. Add a comment below, use the “Contact” form to send a question, or send a tweet to @girlfriendology. However you do it, let us know what you want to ask or tell the Faux Diet Queen.

Girlfriendology / Debba here: We love our girlfriends no matter what size jeans they wear or what the scales tell them if they’re brave enough to get on them. (Something I personally avoid like the plague.) But, we also want our girlfriends to be around and healthy for a long time. We’re sharing this journey that our girlfriend, FDQ (the FAB Faux Diet Queen) because it’s what girlfriends do – we go through life and diets together (and shoe shopping, and highs and lows …). Join us on her journey to fitness and good health. We’re excited for her to motivate and inspire us all!

Here’s some more Faux Diet Queen ‘adventures’. Stop back next Friday for the next installment!

• Diet Re-Launch for the New Year
• ‘Tis the Night Before New Year — A Story
• Water, water everywhere – Pass the Chardonnay
• The Faux Diet Queen Talks Turkey / Thanksgiving
• Beliefs I need to Ditch – Food Baggage
• Meet the Faux Diet Queen
• I Hate the Scale and the Scale Hates Me
• The FDQ Faces the Great Cookie Onslaught–Advice Needed!
• Food Pushers and Food Police

p.s. If your food stories fall into a more serious topic, like emotional eating, we’ve got a great girlfriend for you to meet too – ELLEN SHUMAN. She’s shared great advice on emotional eating on various guest blogs and podcasts. (Her podcast on emotional eating is our #1 listened to interview so lots of us have some emotional eating issues or friends/family who do.)

Here’s some girlfriend advice from Danielle Collinge about …

Activities for you and your girlfriends to do in the new year

It’s a new year and now it’s time for a new you, or at least a fitter and healthier version of the old you. This is a great time to start something new with your girlfriends, and there are many activities out there that can help you get fit and healthy while you have fun. Why not try going to a yoga class. You can usually find deals where you pay for a bunch of classes in bulk and make an overall saving. Shop around for the best deal and then tell your girlfriends. Yoga can be a great way to improve your body and mind, while giving you and your girlfriends a great chance to gossip before and afterwards.

Or perhaps you might like to try taking a cooking course. This is a great way to learn some new things, and to spend some fun time together with your girlfriends. You could cook the dishes you learn in your cooking class at home and invite your girlfriends around for a catch-up dinner full of chatting about life, fashion and engagement rings. You will earn some valuable new techniques that you can use every day and if your new year’s resolution was to eat healthier, then you are very likely to find a few new dishes that agree with you.

If you really want to get fit and active, try going to an aerobics class. They usually last for around an hour and really get your heart pumping. You can go with your girlfriends and motivate each other to work hard. You will feel great after this type of exercise and will definitely notice a difference in your body after you have been doing it for a while?

Thanks Danielle for sharing this guest editorial.

What are your favorite girlfriend activities?

What does it mean to be a better friend? Guest blogger Danae Matthews shares her experience realizing what a real friend truly is.

I have a friend, for this story let’s call her Sarah, who quite frequently says to me that she doesn’t need any more friends. Until very recently I chalked up this particular one-liner to be some sort of defense mechanism. You don’t need any more friends?? Who could ever say that? That’s like saying you don’t want to participate in the world or something!

But then a night came when Sarah and I had plans to meet some of our mutual acquaintances downtown. It was later in the evening and Sarah had been feeling sick all day. I told her several times to stay in, that I would be absolutely fine meeting the group by myself. However, Sarah told me that despite the fact that she was feeling miserable, she hadn’t seen these particular friends in quite some time and that it wasn’t right to just ditch out on concrete plans. Throwing on an outfit and some blush, she pulled herself together and did the best she could at pretending to have a good time so they could.

This moment showed me something. Sarah didn’t want (or need) any more friends because she already gave 110% to the ones that she had. Come hell or high water she was always the kind to be there for them. Sarah was the friend to initiate plans, follow through, listen to their stories, administer what advice she could, give birthday gifts, and always managed to toe the line between being refreshingly realistic without ever being hurtful. At least, that was always the friend she had been to me.

It made me take an inward look at the way that I run my relationships. Sure I may have (in theory) had a lot of girlfriends, but was I a major player in their lives? Was I someone they knew they could count on? Someone who would come through at a moment’s notice? If our situations had been reversed, I admittedly would have called and cancelled dinner had I felt the even remote chance of coming down with something.

And yet when hearing that Sarah didn’t want more friends, I looked at her like she had the problem. Like the goal in and of itself is friend acquisition, not maintenance.

We are fooling ourselves to believe that friendships aren’t as serious, valuable, or taxing as the relationships we enter in with significant others.

So in this new year, I vow to be a new girlfriend. What does that mean? Well for one, it means to not worry about making new friends. Of course if an opportunity presents itself I wouldn’t turn anyone away, but my main goal is to foster the relationships I currently have. I want to be the one to call my friends, not wait for the phone to ring. I want to be the one to be waiting at the restaurant because I’m not always “running late.” I want to be the person who will pick up any phone call at any time because you never know what someone might really need. I want to be the person that people think of as their rock, their true girlfriend, their Sarah.

DANAE MATTHEWS writes on her little space on the web, Danae’s Corner.  Danae’s Corner is a part of the on-line women’s health resource, Women’s Health Base.

How will you be a better friend in 2012? How can you become the rock for your girlfriends? Is there someone who is always there for you? We want to hear your stories!

Thanks Danae! You’re welcome to come back through the year to report how your 2012 of being a better friend is going!

By the way, we LOVE guest blogs here at Girlfriendology. Have a great girlfriend story to tell? Want to celebrate your fabulous female friends? SHARE! (And, we also have Girlfriend Gurus – check that out to be featured on Girlfriendology!)

Girlfriend Guru Rachel Awes reminds us that we need to take care of our friends and ourselves. As always, the best things are often free. Free hugs, anyone?

Happy 2012! A new beginning for us all. Fresh snow. Bright sun. Everything is before us and possible. I want to pause and breathe. Take stock of what I need. Be the bear who curls in for a bit to gather energy for all that is ahead. For all I want to be. For all I want to offer my dear friends. I need this rhythm of alternating solitude and community in order to be full. Fit. Free.

This year I will begin with the intention of being a great girlfriend to me! I want to treat myself with all the goodies. Tenderness and humor and understanding and lovelovelove. I want to be relentless in telling myself to dive deeper still into the water of my life. Encourage myself that my lungs have the capacity to do so. To follow where my heart leads and even run there. Open my arms out wide and feel the wind in my face. Know in my marrow that this year needs all of me. So take enough naps. Keep exercising. Keep out the protein powder tub. Play.

Kneel and say Thank You more than once.

Then move back out and love up my girlfriends. Share what I’ve lived with them. Pour out tenderness and humor and understanding and lovelovelove.

Remind them of their capacity. Encourage. Listen to their hearts and run beside them. Open my arms to them. Give all that I can. Hear their stories. Say thank you over and over for their being.

RACHEL AWES is a psychologist, art playgroundist, writer, wife, mother & friend, who loves listening to the beauty in people. You can find her art at http://rachelawes.etsy.com and her blog at http://allididwaslisten.blogspot.com.

How are you taking care of yourself and your girlfriends in this new year? What are your ideas for opening your arms and giving all you can?

THANKS Rachel! We love you and your appreciation of girlfriends – and your fabulous art!

Rachel’s friends inspire her art – How do your girlfriends inspire you? Share your comments below!

And, by the way, we LOVE guest blogs here at Girlfriendology. Have a great girlfriend story to tell? Want to celebrate your fabulous female friends? SHARE! (And, we also have Girlfriend Gurus – check that out to be featured on Girlfriendology!)

And check out Rachel’s other FABULOUS blogs (and her gorgeous art):

• The Art of Girlfriends – how friends inspire us (& we inspire friends, like Rachel does)
• Playdates with Girlfriends – great things to plan in 2012!
• Girlfriend Love Letters – write one to your BFFs!
• Girlfriend Gift Ideas - creative ways to show your friendship

Because … WE ARE AMAZING WOMEN! We have the fantastic opportunity – right now – to make it a wonderful 2012.

We have the power to go after our dreams, to encourage our friends and to be the better friend who just may make another woman’s life better too. We can show others what it means to be supportive, inspiring and thoughtful. We can model to our children and all the ‘grown children’ in our world what it looks like to share the spotlight, to recognize the people who bless our lives and to practice ‘girlfriend gratitude’ and appreciate the wonderful women in our life.

That’s what we have the opportunity to do. That’s how powerful we are. That’s why 2012 is going to be great!

A little girlfriend inspiration for making 2012 your best year to date …

1. LIVE WITH PASSION – We girlfriends have to hold each other accountable for making our lives matter and doing the things we LOVE. This year, identify at least one thing that you’re passionate about and put time and effort into it. Maybe it’s your kids, or to getting fit/healthier this year. Perhaps your passion is shoes – start a shoe girlfriend group (girlfriends who get together every month for happy hour or an event and wear new shoes, talk shoes, try on shoes). Want to start your own business? Find other women who share that passion and start an entrepreneurial or accountability group.  If you love to cook/eat, start a gourmet girlfriend group. Whatever it is – find your passion and don’t let the year slip by pursuing it. You’ll be so glad you did!

2. ACTIVELY PURSUE LIFE – I read through last year’s Christmas cards over the holidays. My girlfriend Allison wrote last year – ‘Let’s get together more. Life’s too short.’ Her husband died unexpectedly a few weeks after receiving that card. Life IS too short. Don’t stand-by and watch it go by. GRAB IT! (And, I totally admit to being guilty of this – so I’m talking to myself too!) It may be warm and comfy to stay home – but get out. Do things. See friends. Meet new friends. Taste new foods. Walk, run, bike or drive down new roads. Go to a state you’ve never visited. Tour the museums in your own city that you’ve never been to. Create a ‘Leap List‘ then start checking things off it! Life is too short – LIVE every day of your life!

3. RESOLVE TO BE A BETTER FRIEND – Even if there weren’t the health benefits (healthier, live longer, less stress) of female friendship, there are the fabulous adventures we share, the wonderful memories that we create, the caring conversations we have, the strength we give to each other … makes it all worth while. What can you do – this year – to be a better friend? Do that! Send cards. Phone your friends. Be a better listener. Be there for your friends. Life unfortunately is too short. Be there for each other.

Happy 2012 Girlfriends! Here’s to a year of following our dreams, making new friends and being a better friend. Life is good – let’s enjoy it together!

Here’s what’s going on on THE Girlfriend site – Girlfriendology!

• New Years Resolutions – Friendship Resolutions – from some of our Friendship Circle girlfriends
• New Years Resolutions & Girlfriends – Great girlfriend advice from Girlfriend Guru Jessica Drummon
• Our BlogTalkRadio interview with Jessica Drummond – great girlfriend advice on being healthy in 2012
• The Faux Diet Queen Re-Launches her Diet for 2012 – let’s get healthier in 2012, ‘kay?
• The 12 Days of Friendship – Celebrating female friendship over the holidays, because girlfriends are a gift!
• Day 1: Knowing friends are there for you
• Day 2: Celebrating our Cheerleader/Supportive Girlfriends
• Day 3: Girlfriend Traditions
• Day 4: The Gift of Memories with Friends
• Day 5: The Gift of Forgiveness
• Day 6: Having Things in Common
• Day 7: Sharing Adventures Together
• Day 8: The Gift of Laughter
• Day 9: Missing Friends during the Holidays
• Day 10: The Wonderful Comfort Level of Girlfriends
• Day 11: Girlfriends who are there for us through Life Changes and Stages
• Day 12: Celebrating Girlfriend Gratitude

HUGE BIG Shout-out to our Friends at BIZ STAIN FIGHTER!

Thanks for being the Girlfriendology top sponsor in 2012. We love your products (Mean Green and Oxydol too!) and love working with you. And – for our girlfriends especially in Dayton and Cincinnati OH – check out Oxydol and Mean Green at Walgreens. Easy on your wallet but tough on dirt!

CINCINNATI WOMEN’S EVENT – FEATURING DEBBA HAUPERT, Founder of Girlfriendology

JOIN US on Saturday, February 25th for the ‘A Day for Today’s Women‘ event. I’m thrilled to be the keynote speaker and can’t wait to meet these great women and speak at this awesome event!

CHANGES AT GIRLFRIENDOLOGY.com

We’re geeked about working with our friends at Collective Bias on a new, very cool website for Girlfriendology.com. (If you’re a blogger, you probably know about them – or should! Check out Social Fabric – a great, growing community of bloggers!) Stay tuned! (Please share your ideas!!) We will be moving the community over to a new forum, so you will have to sign up for that again. (And, to be honest, we’ll do a better job at that in the new site.)

Hang out with us too on Facebook.com/Girlfriendology where we share inspiring quotes, daily lunchtime videos (that are fun and female-friendly!), girlfriend ’stuff! And follow us on Twitter @Girlfriendology. Thanks!

As we enter 2012, the FDQ has been contemplating the mayhem of her holiday eating and how to re-launch her effort to be healthy healthier in the new year.

Have you ever been on a cruise? That’s where we were for the last week, and as far as I am concerned a cruise is just a big boat full of wonderful food.

Our well-thought-out agenda went something like this:

Pre-breakfast coffee and sweet rolls
Breakfast
Mid-morning pick-me-up
Lunch
Early afternoon snack
Mid-afternoon cocktails and nosh
Pre-dinner cocktails and appetizers
Dinner
Dessert, dessert, dessert
Late night something-or-other

There was an exercise room on the ship. I know this because I walked by it once or twice. I could see that there were people working out. I wasn’t one of them. My major exercise came from lifting the bottle of sunscreen to preserve my oh-so-delicate skin.

So it was no surprise that our incredible vacation was followed by something less than a warm welcome from my evil scale.

I spent a few quality moments yelling at the scale and contemplating throwing it out the window (but that would involve lifting the darn thing). I’m not sure who is more stubborn, me or the scale. But I do know who gets the last word number, and it isn’t me.

Sigh.

I know I’m not the only one who gained more than an ounce during the holidays. (I’m not the only one, am I???) But it is very hard to see the numbers go up.  (Oh, WHEN will someone invent fat-burning dessert??? Can you imagine what the nutritional data on the label would look like? Negative numbers!!)

Here we are. Six days into the year. 360 days to go (it’s a leap year, remember?). OK, time is on my side. I can do this.

I can do this.

I can become the me I want to be. I can get back to a healthy healthier weight. I can exercise (yeah, ok, one thing at a time). I can reach my goals and fit into the clothes hanging in the back of my closet. I can pass by the Oreos without eating the entire box. I can beat the scale, find muscle definition somewhere besides the dictionary, and be proud of myself.

I can do this.

And I hope you’ll join me on the journey.

The Faux Diet Queen is a Girlfriend and a Half, trying to find her Skinny Self. She wishes everyone a happy 2012 as she re-launches her weight loss journey.

Girlfriendology / Debba here: We love our girlfriends no matter what size jeans they wear or what the scales tell them if they’re brave enough to get on them. (Something I personally avoid like the plague.) But, we also want our girlfriends to be around and healthy for a long time. We’re sharing this journey that our girlfriend, FDQ (the FAB Faux Diet Queen) because it’s what girlfriends do – we go through life and diets together (and shoe shopping, and highs and lows …). Join us on her journey to fitness and good health. We’re excited for her to motivate and inspire us all!

Here’s some more Faux Diet Queen ‘adventures’. Stop back next Friday for the next installment!

• ‘Tis the Night Before New Year — A Story
• Water, water everywhere – Pass the Chardonnay
• The Faux Diet Queen Talks Turkey / Thanksgiving
• Beliefs I need to Ditch – Food Baggage
• Meet the Faux Diet Queen
• I Hate the Scale and the Scale Hates Me
• The FDQ Faces the Great Cookie Onslaught–Advice Needed!
• Food Pushers and Food Police

p.s. If your food stories fall into a more serious topic, like emotional eating, we’ve got a great girlfriend for you to meet too – ELLEN SHUMAN. She’s shared great advice on emotional eating on various guest blogs and podcasts. (Her podcast on emotional eating is our #1 listened to interview so lots of us have some emotional eating issues or friends/family who do.)

The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don’t define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them.
Denis Watley

What are your friendship goals for the coming year?

Why do you need friendship goals?

Okay, back to the basics: The benefits of female friendship are it makes women healthier, happier, less stressed, live longer and feel more beautiful. Really. Those are pretty impressive benefits for something that does cost a fortune or require a royal title. (And, with stress being the #1 element in most primary care visits, reducing our stress alone would make female friendship the ‘magic pill’ for women’s health!)

So, being a better friend means you get to reap the rewards of friendship with happy memories, a healthier life and fun friends to spend your time with. And, it’s also cool that the benefits are unlimited so you can spread the girlfriendship great karma to lots of friends so they’re healthier, happier, less stressed, etc. too!

Knowing that we have to set goals to accomplish them … we’re challenging our girlfriends and ourselves to make friendship resolutions for 2012. What goals can you set that will strengthen your friendships? What can you do this year to make more time for your friends, share fun times together and be more thoughtful?

We asked a few of our ‘expert girlfriends’ for their New Years Resolutions and they shared:

IRENE S. LEVINE, (shown above – see how beautiful friendship makes her?!) aka: The Friendship Doctor and author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend (visit her blog posts at: Huffington Post, Psychology Today, and Life Goes Strong) shared:

My friendship resolution is also a life resolution. I hope to become more mindful at spending my time on the people and things that are most meaningful to me.

SHASTA NELSON, CEO of the women’s friendship matching site GirlFriendCircles.com, is writing her first book this year and pursuing funding for her company as ways of stepping more into her life work. You can follow her weekly friendship blog at Shasta’s Friendship Blog or on Twitter (@girlfrindcircles) (& another beautiful girlfriend!).

My friendship intention for the new year is to foster friendships with women who also want to play a bigger game in their life work in the new year. I don’t want to downplay my calling, stifle my ambition, or ever show up with apologies for simply living from a place of knowing. But I think we often limit ourselves because we lack the support or fear the insecurities of others? This year, I am starting a monthly group of business women where we commit our support and cheers.  And with my current friends, I am committed to holding space to witness their growth, affirm what I see, validate their service in this world, and help give voice to their courage.

What are YOUR friendship goals for 2012? How can you make your friendships stronger, meet new friends, share lots of great memories together in the New Year?

Here’s some great girlfriend inspiration by Shasta and Irene:

• How to make yourself a ‘keeper’ Friend, by Irene Levine
• Getting over a Friendship Drought, by Irene Levine
• Mending a Broken Friendship, by Irene Levine
• Throw a Girlfriend Gratitude Party, by Shasta Nelson
• Frientimacy – the Intimacy of Female Friendship, by Shasta Nelson
• Breast Cancer and Friendship / Girlfriend Advice, by Shasta Nelson

Today we’re celebrating our final day in our 12 Days of Friendship – spread over the Christmas, Hanukkah, New Years holidays. We’re unwrapping our final present – the gift of girlfriend gratitude.

My girlfriend Jill and I had this conversation recently while hanging out at the dog park. Why is it that we generally gravitate to what is wrong in our lives? Why do we focus on the things we don’t have rather than the blessings of all the things we do have? Why do we overlook the joy to mainly see the struggle and perhaps injustice in our world?

It’s unfortunate but true – we don’t feel near as blessed as we should. And to do so, we have to intentionally look at the positive things in our life – like how our friends support, courage and inspire us.

So, for this final day of our 12 Days of Friendship, we’re being more intention with our girlfriend gratitude. We’re focusing on being more appreciative of our friendships and thankful for the wonder women in our world.

Now is a perfect time, being the New Year, to resolve to be a better friend and to make 2012 the year we really, REALLY appreciate our friends.

How can we make this shift in our thinking? How can we seriously change our ways of seeing the glass as half empty? Here’s a few of our ideas – please add yours in the comments!

1. GRATITUDE JOURNAL – Everyday write down one friend whom you’re thankful for. List a few of her qualities that make her a wonderful woman and a fabulous friend. Include some of your special memories with her. And, if you’d really like to be a better friend, drop her a line, give her a call, share on Facebook why you’re thankful for her. Can you imagine how wonderful it will be to go back through your journal at the end of the year and review all the people who bless your life?! Wow. Try it!

2. FACEBOOK IT – Share one thing you’re thankful for everyday on your Facebook update. My personal Facebook status update for today: “THANKFUL for a warm home (and a sweet cat to warm my lap).” And our Girlfriendology update: “THANKFUL for my Accountability Girlfriends – @jwestwood & @kristaneher. Who are you thankful for? #GirlfriendGratitude” Your friends will start to see the pattern of sharing gratitude. Who knows?! It could catch on and we could have a whole Facebook-nation expressing and feeling appreciation on a regular basis. What positive energy could we create if we all were more thankful?! Wow!

3. WRITE NOTES – When was the last time you got a card in the mail (holiday cards excluded!) where a friend just sent you LOVE or a note that they’re THINKING OF YOU?! That they thought to do that made your day – didn’t it?! Why not be the kind of friend that sends a card (like these greeting cards by SARK – sending them LOVE) to cheer her up and tell her how much she means to you? She’ll love it and you’ll love being the thoughtful friend who practices girlfriend gratitude.

4. START A GIRLFRIEND TRADITION – Being around your friends will definitely up your awareness of how much they mean to you. Be the leader – get the girls together! Plan a regular time/way to meet up with your friends. It could be a Book Club or Happy Hour group. You could volunteer together every month or walk together every Saturday. Just get it started! Don’t wait – you’re missing out on the fun of creating great memories with your girlfriends!

What other ways do you express your Girlfriend Gratitude? How can we focus more on the positive things in our life? Share!

More days of Friendship inspiration:

• Day 1: Knowing friends are there for you
• Day 2: Celebrating our Cheerleader/Supportive Girlfriends
• Day 3: Girlfriend Traditions
• Day 4: The Gift of Memories with Friends
• Day 5: The Gift of Forgiveness
• Day 6: Having Things in Common
• Day 7: Sharing Adventures Together
• Day 8: The Gift of Laughter
• Day 9: Missing Friends during the Holidays
• Day 10: The Wonderful Comfort Level of Girlfriends
• Day 11: Girlfriends who are there for us through Life Changes and Stages
  

More Fun Stuff:

• Check out these 25 Girlfriend Gifts under $25
• Sign up for our Newsletter & get FREE eBook (Plus entered in contest to win $25 Starbucks gift cards)
• Daily Girlfriend Gifts and SHOES!

Girlfriend Guru and Guest blogger JESSICA DRUMMOND shares great tips for turning to our girlfriends to move from resolutions to action.  We all need help to reach our dreams, and sometimes our girlfriends are just the right ladies to help us reach for the stars.

This year let’s throw out the New Year’s Resolutions!

Being that the New Year occurs in the winter, during the season of contemplation, start first with dreams.

Schedule a date for tea with a few of your best girlfriends and really go wild brainstorming what you want for yourself in the coming year (or even further in the future). Women are social creatures. We need support from each other to take things from “resolution status” to actual action. Egg each other on.

You might think that some of your desires are crazy, or scary, or just won’t work. So what? Don’t rule them out just yet. Speak them out loud and let your friends convince you that they just might be perfect. Your desires just might be what the world needs right now.

Then, take the steps and get the support that you need to bring your desires into reality. This is the important step that takes a dream from being a New Year’s Resolution into actual fruition.

What do you need to do in order to make this desire happen?

• Get through your fear? Find a therapist or a coach. Or ask one of your girlfriends to take the leap with you.
• Get physically, emotionally, and spiritually stronger so that you have the energy to get it done? Email me (jessica.r.drummond@gmail.com) for one of our free high energy coaching sessions to start 2012 off on the right foot!
• Get your finances in order? Get a financial coach and actually stick to your budget this year.
• Childcare? Ask your local mom-friends for referrals, and research local options.

Better organization? Hire an organizer, a bookkeeper, or a house cleaner. Or take one Saturday and stand in your closet/ checkbook/ kitchen/ basement/ office with your most organized friend and allow her to help you to clean it all out.

The point is that you will never be able to live your desires, if you don’t get support. All of us hit roadblocks on the road to achieving our dreams. Getting over those roadblocks with the support of your friends and professionals (or both) is how you actually get to live your dreams.

Start today. Create a desire list then resolve to get the help that you need to actually live your desires. Action and support are the keys to the amazing life that is deep inside of you. Let it out, grab your girlfriends’ hands and go live it. The world needs you.

Jessica Drummond, MPT, CHC of www.jessicadrummond.com is an expert in women’s health from a mind-body-spirit perspective that is based in practical experience and evidence-based practice.  She was educated at UVA, Emory University, IIN, and Duke Integrative Medicine.  She is the original women’s health coach.  She is also a women’s health physical therapist.  She writes, teaches, and lectures nationally on subjects relating to women’s health in the years after childbirth through menopause.

What are your dreams for 2012? Who are you helping to reach a dream this year? How can your girlfriends (including your girlfriends here at Girlfriendology.com!) help you reach those goals?

What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail? GO FOR YOUR DREAMS GIRLFRIEND!

Other great guest posts by Jessica:

• Happy Holidays & Healthy Hormones
• Girlfriends are key to Hormone Health
• Thankful for a Girlfriend High Five

By the way, we LOVE guest blogs here at Girlfriendology. Have a great girlfriend story to tell? Want to celebrate your fabulous female friends? SHARE! (And, we also have Girlfriend Gurus – check that out to be featured on Girlfriendology!)

First, girlfriends – we hope you had a wonderful Christmas, Hanukkah and a Happy, HAPPY New Year! It’s a wonderful season to celebrate our friendships and our hope for the future. We are so blessed. I’m thankful for the holidays and this season of spending time, giving gifts and showing our love for friends and family.

At Girlfriendology we’re grateful for a year of connections, inspiration and joy – all from friendships. We’re thankful for all the beauty, wisdom and kindness of girlfriends. We have amazing appreciation for the lessons we’ve learned from Oprah, from girlfriends, from children, from life.

We’re thankful for 2011 and some of our best moments:

1. More Girlfriends – AKA: GIRLFRIEND GURUS — We’re so thankful for some amazing women who share their women’s wisdom with Girlfriendology every month as a Girlfriend Guru. It’s a great group of girlfriends who share great girlfriend advice like from:

• Miss Kitty Plum
• The Faux Diet Queen
• Lisa McDaniel Brown
• Donna Gamache
• Laura Smith
• Janet DeVito
• Jennifer Hall
• Elizabeth Patch
• Sheevaun Moran
• and more!

Want to be a Girlfriend Guru? We’d love to share your women’s wisdom!

2. Great Girlfriend & the ‘Chief of Insanely Brilliant Ideas’ JUDI COGEN – We’re so thrilled to have an amazing girlfriend helping us bring Girlfriendology to the women we need to reach. The amazing, smart, funny, caring, sweet, thoughtful girlfriend who is helping to make female friendship higher on your awareness and appreciation. We love JUDI!

3. Girlfriend Cruise & Janet DeVito - We had the ‘most awesome’ girlfriend experience this summer! We went on a Girlfriend Cruise to Bermuda with the Guru of Girlfriend Cruises – Janet DeVito. It was F-U-N! And we’re going again in 2012!! JOIN US! It was so awesome – traveling and spending time with girlfriends. Thanks girlfriend Janet for bringing girlfriends together!

4. Girlfriendology Recommended: BIZ Stain Fighter! – We’re thrilled to partner with Biz Stain Fighter  in 2012, as we did in 2011 – but even in a BIGGER way. We’re also working with another great brand (by the same amazing, fun friends at BIZ) of Mean Green. We’re GEEKED to work with Biz all through – 2012!

5. Amazing women who have supported Girlfriendology – like author SUSAN MALLERY, the girlfriends at COOKING WITH CAITLIN, and our fab friends from The Friendship Circle – Female Friendship Blogs:

• About.com Friendship – Cherie Burbach, @brrbach
• GirlfriendCircles – Shasta Nelson, @girlfrndcircles
• Girlfriendology – Debba Haupert & Judi Cogen, @girlfriendology, @judicogen, Facebook.com/Girlfriendology
• MWF Seeking BFF - Rachel Bertsche, @rberch, Facebook.com/MWFseekingBFF, author
• The Friendship Blog - Dr. Irene S. Levine, @IreneLevine, author
• Social Media Girlfriends – Dabney Porte & Britt Michaelian, @dabneyporte, @mamabritt, Facebook.com/SocialMediaGirlfriends

Life is better (and so was 2011) together with your girlfriends! Thanks girlfriends!!

In 2012, we’re GEEKED (again) for all the cool things to come! Like …

1. Working with BIZ Stain Fighter & Mean Green! 2012 is partly sponsored on Girlfriendology by BIZ Stain Fighter and Mean Green. So thankful for them as our partner. SO THANKFUL! Plus, it’s ‘Girlfriendology Recommended!’ AWESOME!

2. We’re working with an amazing social media/blogging agency – Collective Bias and are THRILLED to work with them on our new web site and in working with their fabulous ’shopper’ clients.

3. So THRILLED to be speaking at some GREAT events in 2012! Like … the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop, Savvy Blogging Summit (such a great blogger conference – sorry, it’s sold out already!), Bloggy Con (yeah! invited back as Keynote speaker!) and more!

But what we most want, is to help you BE A BETTER FRIEND in 2012 and beyond. Life is good Girlfriends – with your friends!

Our 12 Days of Friendship – celebrating the great gift of friendship.

• Day 1: Knowing friends are there for you
• Day 2: Celebrating our Cheerleader/Supportive Girlfriends
• Day 3: Girlfriend Traditions
• Day 4: The Gift of Memories with Friends
• Day 5: The Gift of Forgiveness
• Day 6: Having Things in Common
• Day 7: Sharing Adventures Together
• Day 8: The Gift of Laughter
• Day 9: Missing Friends during the Holidays
• Day 10: The Wonderful Comfort Level of Girlfriends
• Day 11: Friends through life stages/changes
  

More Fun Stuff:

• Check out these 25 Girlfriend Gifts under $25
• Sign up for our Newsletter & get FREE eBook (Plus entered in contest to win $25 Starbucks gift cards)
• Daily Girlfriend Gifts and SHOES!

We’re ‘celebrating female friendship’ in this Holiday, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year’s season with our 12 Days of Friendship. We’ve celebrated the gifts of knowing our friends are there for us, girlfriend traditions, our cheerleader/supportive girlfriends, friends that makes us laugh and more fabulous gifts of friendship. Today, number 11 of 12 days of Friendship we’re celebrating the friends who are there for us through life changes and life stages.

Having focused on female friendship for the past six years has been really interesting. So many of our friendships have originated with life stages and changes. Teen girls who seem to love their independence but still seem to dress just like their best friends. New moms who bond together. Divorced women find comfort in friendship with others who understand what they’ve been through. Bloggers love to meet other bloggers, co-workers share common experiences and build friendships, women who share common bonds – bond. We often connect with women based on shared life stages and when our life stages change – and those connections often lead to strong, wonderful friendships!

Today we’re celebrating the friends who stay in our lives through life changes and stages. They’re the girlfriends who stay with us when life changes our direction – and they don’t care – they’re still our BFFs. The girlfriends who bonded in college and are still friends as their kids consider colleges. We’re thankful for the women who stick around as life changes happen and as life stages change.

What girlfriends who have been around for years? Who have been there for you through life changes, through other relationships, over miles and different marital statuses or career titles?

What girlfriends know your college knicknames and the original of your kids’ names? What friends have stayed by your side when you lived down the street or across the country?

Experience the girlfriend gratitude of friends who are there through life changes and life stages. Celebrate the women who have been there for you for years. And be the kind of friend you’d love to have. Life is better … with your girlfriends!

And, come back for the final great gift of friendship.

• Day 1: Knowing friends are there for you
• Day 2: Celebrating our Cheerleader/Supportive Girlfriends
• Day 3: Girlfriend Traditions
• Day 4: The Gift of Memories with Friends
• Day 5: The Gift of Forgiveness
• Day 6: Having Things in Common
• Day 7: Sharing Adventures Together
• Day 8: The Gift of Laughter
• Day 9: Missing Friends during the Holidays
• Day 10: The Wonderful Comfort Level of Girlfriends
  

More Fun Stuff:

• Check out these 25 Girlfriend Gifts under $25
• Sign up for our Newsletter & get FREE eBook (Plus entered in contest to win $25 Starbucks gift cards)
• Daily Girlfriend Gifts and SHOES!

We all have our New Year’s traditions. For our own Faux Diet Queen, New Year’s Eve is a time to reflect on the past year, look forward to the new year, and spend time with girlfriends. This year she shares a poem she composed. She doesn’t have a title for it, so we’re asking you to help–What are your suggestions for a title for the FDQ’s poem?

‘Tis the night before New Year
And I’m glad I can say
Each Girlfriend is happy
Just in her own way.

Joanie is singing
(But not Auld Lang Syne)
Ellen is chiming along,
And that’s fine.

Mary is thinking about
What she’ll do
In 2012, ‘cause she’d like
Something new.

Resolutions are ‘it’ for
Elaina and Mac.
They swear they’ll move on
And they’re not looking back.

Sarah is hoping she’ll get a new job
For Markie her haircut will be a new bob
Alice now swears she won’t dress like a slob
And Laura embraces them all with a sob.

Then heads turn to me
And their eyes pop out wide
The glances go up
And then slip side to side.

“Faux,” they cry loudly
Don’t act like a clown
It’s time to stop eating
All food not nailed down.

It’s time to get over this
love affair now.
We know it’s not easy,
but we know you know how.

Put down the cookies,
Put down the pie
Put down the sushi
Ignore the stir fry.

Skip over the bread,
And the cute little rolls,
Move on past the soups
In their colorful bowls.

Don’t touch the brisket,
Potatoes, or ham
Say ‘no’ to the lobster,
The quiche, and the lamb.

Walk past the liquor,
Walk past the wine,
Do this for YOU
It’s your health on the line.

Ease by the veggies
Coated in butter.
Stay with us, Faux,
You’re beginning to mutter.

Groove past the truffles,
And caramelized pear.
Slink by the cupcakes,
Now you’re almost there.

We know you can do it!
And in your own style.
We want you around for
A mighty long while.”

It’s the night before New Year
We’ve gathered for fun
To share some more time
Before this year is done.

So hello to This Year
And goodbye to That
May you all reach your goals
And may I lose my fat.

The Faux Diet Queen is a Girlfriend and a Half, trying to find her Skinny Self. She wishes everyone a happy 2012 as she re-launches her weight loss journey.

Girlfriendology / Debba here: We love our girlfriends no matter what size jeans they wear or what the scales tell them if they’re brave enough to get on them. (Something I personally avoid like the plague.) But, we also want our girlfriends to be around and healthy for a long time. We’re sharing this journey that our girlfriend, FDQ (the FAB Faux Diet Queen) because it’s what girlfriends do – we go through life and diets together (and shoe shopping, and highs and lows …). Join us on her journey to fitness and good health. We’re excited for her to motivate and inspire us all!

Here’s some more Faux Diet Queen ‘adventures’. Stop back next Friday for the next installment!

• Water, water everywhere – Pass the Chardonnay
• The Faux Diet Queen Talks Turkey / Thanksgiving
• Beliefs I need to Ditch – Food Baggage
• Meet the Faux Diet Queen
• I Hate the Scale and the Scale Hates Me
• The FDQ Faces the Great Cookie Onslaught–Advice Needed!
• Food Pushers and Food Police

p.s. If your food stories fall into a more serious topic, like emotional eating, we’ve got a great girlfriend for you to meet too – ELLEN SHUMAN. She’s shared great advice on emotional eating on various guest blogs and podcasts. (Her podcast on emotional eating is our #1 listened to interview so lots of us have some emotional eating issues or friends/family who do.)

Thanks to the women in our lives with whom we can completely be ourselves.

For this holiday season of gift-giving, we’re celebrating the gift of girlfriends in our 12 Days of Friendship. Today’s girlfriend gift of friendship: the wonderful comfort level of friends in our lives.

Lately I’ve been trying to work-out more often at the gym. It’s funny because sometimes I’ll get there for a 9:15am class and wonder if I even looked in the mirror to see if yesterday’s mascara was today’s raccoon look! I trust that other women at the gym understand and give me grace for my funny facial appearance!

It’s that level of comfort – a ‘naked’ face, a dirty house, a secret wish or fear – that is such a great gift of girlfriendship. It’s the wonderful, accepting, supportive comfort that we share with true friends. It’s a ‘friendship gift’ of knowing we’re loved and accepted even with a messy house, mascara smudges or uncertainties in our lives.

What girlfriends do you share that ultimate, ‘no make-up, messy house, etc.’ comfort level with?

Feel that girlfriend gratitude. Express it with a note or call of appreciation for their friendship. Let them know how much their friendship means to you. Be thankful for the great gift of female friendship.

And, come back for the next two days as we look at more of the great gifts of friendship.

• Day 1: Knowing friends are there for you
• Day 2: Celebrating our Cheerleader/Supportive Girlfriends
• Day 3: Girlfriend Traditions
• Day 4: The Gift of Memories with Friends
• Day 5: The Gift of Forgiveness
• Day 6: Having Things in Common
• Day 7: Sharing Adventures Together
• Day 8: The Gift of Laughter
• Day 9: Missing Friends during the Holidays
  

More Fun Stuff:

• Check out these 25 Girlfriend Gifts under $25
• Sign up for our Newsletter & get FREE eBook (Plus entered in contest to win $25 Starbucks gift cards)
• Daily Girlfriend Gifts and SHOES!

Girlfriend Guru Sheevaun Moran share her girlfriend advice – her top suggestions for easing the stress of the holidays. We think they are great suggestions for easing into the new year with a calm, Zen-like approach!

A Zen-like December would be wonderful, don’t you think? Wouldn’t it be nice if you could get through the holiday season with less stress, worry, anxiety, tension, and drama?

Zen is an inner state of being and meditation is such that it will give you the ability to create a better experience, whether it’s the holidays or it’s the rest of the year.

Remember these things to keep your Zen and sanity:

• Get enough rest.
• Forgive everyone, including yourself, because it feels like you’re under pressure.
• Pressure is only a metaphor for the need to let go.
• Sugar is going to cause weight gain and more importantly a crash into depression. So plan your sugar (crash) wisely. Better yet, avoid sugar.
• Take probiotics to ensure your colon is happier because of what junk you are about to ingest.
• Drink lots and lots of high alkaline water.
• Take vitamin C, vitamin D3, calcium/magnesium in liquid and your mood will be much brighter.
• Get the book Shotgun Shopping to have a spiritualized shopping manifestation experience.
• Disconnect your negative thoughts using this video technique See the video HERE.
• Laugh more.
• Walk more.
• Meditate more.
• Be of service, whether physically or financially.

Your holidays are meant to bring peace, joy, and abundance into your life. Having more inner calm will bring you what you wish to manifest. These are some simple things you can do to have a new, yet calm, holiday season.

SHEEVAUN MORAN is a transformational speaker, nutritional expert, and creator of innovative energy technology for limitless thinking. She is the author to several books and over a dozen holistic healing and meditation CDs. Her articles have appeared in the Wall Street Journal, Los Angeles Times, Conscious Living, and Alternative Medicine. Sheevaun has been featured on CBS2, KCAL9, HBTV, and PBS. Her blog and radio show are not to be missed.

What are your tips and tricks for finding calm in a chaotic time? What are your thoughts on entering 2012 with more inner calm and Zen-like attitude?

Don’t you love great girlfriend advice? Have some to share? We’re looking  for Girlfriend Gurus, guest blogs and Girlfriendology Guides eBook authors. SHARE! If you’d like to be a Girlfriend Guru too, let us know!

Other friendship girlfriend advice:

• Supporting girlfriends through unconventional decisions
• Are your social media girlfriends real friends?
• Girlfriend advice for Step-Moms
• It takes a village – women supporting women

How were your Holidays girlfriend? Did you spend time with your beloved family and friends? We hope so!

The Holidays are an amazing time to show our friends and family how much we love them, to show them through love and presents how important their role is our life is. Plus, it’s such a great excuse to spend time together – like I did with Allison, Colleen and Jeanine; and Becky, Anne, and Cyndee and Carol. Life is good – when we’re with our friends!

Who did you spend time with over the Holidays? What girlfriends did you share your Holidays with? Who do you wish you could spend your time with?

The 12 Days of Christmas – Celebrating the Gift of Girlfriendship

We’re celebrating Friendship during the Holidays – JOIN US!

The great gifts of friendship.

• Day 1: Knowing friends are there for you
• Day 2: Celebrating our Cheerleader/Supportive Girlfriends
• Day 3: Girlfriend Traditions
• Day 4: The Gift of Memories with Friends
• Day 5: The Gift of Forgiveness
• Day 6: Having Things in Common
• Day 7: Sharing Adventures Together
• Day 8: The Gift of Laughter
• Day 9: The Sorrow of Friendship
• Three more days to go!
  

More on Girlfriendology:

• The Faux Diet Queen – Food Pushers and Food Police
• Happy Family, Happy Holidays – great girlfriend advice from author Patricia Sands
• Perfectly Stressful Holidays – Girlfriend advice from artist/girlfriend Elizabeth Patch, our Girlfriend Guru of Body Image
• Judge Not, great girlfriend advice from Jennifer Hall

And fave quotes and videos on Facebook.com/Girlfriendology:

• “If a GIRLFRIEND gives you HER time, SHE can give you no more precious gift.” #quote Frank Tyger (our version!) www.girlfriendology.com
• Happy Christmas Girlfriends! http://youtu.be/Yeo6uSMzQtU & Happy New Year – Let’s hope it’s a good one, without any fear.
• “May PEACE be your gift at Christmas & your blessing all year through!” ~Author Unknown http://ow.ly/i/omEk
• “Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, & behold, everything is softer & more beautiful.” Norman Vincent Peale | PEACE Girlfriends! http://ow.ly/i/omAK

And some of our favorite Girlfriend Gifts & SHOES!

Some people come into our lives & quickly go.  Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts & we are never, ever the same.

Flavia Weedn

We’re celebrating 12 Days of Friendship this December as we look at the ‘gift of girlfriendship.’ Today’s gift might not seem like a ‘gift’ but it is. Sometimes, for a wide variety of reasons, girlfriends are no longer in our lives. We’re looking at the not-so-Happy-Holidays – missing our friends.

The holidays can be blue, lonely, sad, even depressing – especially if we’re missing friends like my dear friend Dana shown here. (We lost Dana to breast cancer two years ago December 23rd. Here’s our tribute to her and Elizabeth Edwards – both great women who fought cancer bravely. Also, these ways we can remember and honor our friends, like Dana, who are no longer with us.)

Yes, the holidays can be sad, lonely, even painful when we’re missing a friend(s) – but at least we had that friend, right? At least they were part of our life for the amount of time we shared and hopefully we have happy memories, learned great life lessons together and celebrated friendship while we were together. At least we have their memories to remind us of them and the times we shared. (I shared some memories of another great girlfriend, Holly and how memories of her still make me smile!)

On this ninth day of celebrating friendship, during this Holiday / Christmas / Hanukkah season, let’s look back on the friends who are no longer actively in our lives, and let’s say a word of thanks for them – for the joy and laughter they shared, for the ways they changed us and for the sadness of missing them – that we might appreciate the time we have with the wonderful women who are still in our lives and are yet to come!

To Dana and Holly, to the friends we’ve lost along the way for whatever reason, for the beautiful BFFs who still bless our days … let’s feel some girlfriend gratitude. Let’s celebrate the friends who leave an impression on our lives. Let’s celebrate the way they touched our lives for whatever amount of time we had together. And … let’s be the kind of friend you’d love to have!

And, come back for the next eight days as we look at more of the great gifts of friendship.

• Day 1: Knowing friends are there for you
• Day 2: Celebrating our Cheerleader/Supportive Girlfriends
• Day 3: Girlfriend Traditions
• Day 4: The Gift of Memories with Friends
• Day 5: The Gift of Forgiveness
• Day 6: Having Things in Common
• Day 7: Sharing Adventures Together
• Day 8: The Gift of Laughter
  

More Fun Stuff:

• Check out these 25 Girlfriend Gifts under $25
• Sign up for our Newsletter & get FREE eBook (Plus entered in contest to win $25 Starbucks gift cards)
• Daily Girlfriend Gifts and SHOES!

The holiday season brings stress in all sorts of forms. For many of us, dealing with family at this time of year is a special king of stress.

For some of us, dealing with food and family at the same time can be mind boggling. Our own FDQ shares her perspective of food and family.

This time of year, most of us spend time with family members we don’t see the other fifty weeks of the year. We love them, we’re delighted to see the holiday schedule approaching, and then we can’t wait for them to butt out of our lives. There is something sinister about the annual amnesia some of us indulge in. “It will be different this year.” Probably not if you want to know the truth. “Aunt Ridla isn’t really that bad.” Um, yes, she probably is.

So each year we head to the family gathering with great hopes and are disappointed to find out that reality has not cleaned itself up over the previous year and family encounters are the same as they ever were.

Here are some of the types of people I encounter at family mixers. The amazing thing is that they have absolutely opposite approaches, yet they all exist to make me miserable.

The Food Pushers

The food pushers are the ones endlessly encouraging you to eat “just a little more” or taste “just a little bit.” If that doesn’t work, they’ll head straight for the guilt, “What do you MEAN you don’t want any of Aunt Tillie’s famous egg salad? She made it just for you!” “Of COURSE you have to have some of Uncle Walter’s birthday cake! It would be rude not to eat just a little!”

Food pushers have been around forever. (Eve and the apple, anyone?) When the world ends, it won’t be because of pollution or a nuclear accident. It will be because Atlas’ mother has gotten tired of waiting and finally made him put the world down, wash his hands, and come in for dinner.

The Food Police

The Food Police is the force of people who have made it their personal mission to help you lose weight whether you want help or not. (The self-appointed Chief of the Food Police is the man I’m married to, but that’s a story for another day.)

The food police move the plate of cake away from you even if you were about to start eating it. They say helpful [by “helpful” I mean “insanely annoying”] things like, “Are you SURE you want that, dearie?” so that your eyes cross and it takes an act of willpower to remember you aren’t supposed to punch 86 year old ladies. They will also “help” by pointing out which food choices are “healthiest” for you, and how much weight Cousin Sally lost of the whatever- whatever diet.

The Observers

A specialized unit of the food police is the observers. These self-righteous folks exist to point out things that I would never (snort!) have known without them. Things like, “hmmm … you’ve put on some weight since the last time we saw you.” Or (in a dubious voice) “I thought I heard your mother say you’d gone on a diet, dear.” Just once, instead of gritting my teeth, offering a maladjusted smile, and sidling away, just once I’d like to say something like, “Really? You mean those numbers on that scale in my bathroom don’t mean my IQ is going up?” or “Uncle Bob, Thank you for pointing that out. Without you, I never would have known that moving to a larger size meant I was gaining weight.” or “No, I’m not fat. I’m pregnant.”

Dealing with Family

But I don’t say any of those things. I generally head straight to the dessert buffet. Or the bar. Or both. Family, no matter how misguided, misinformed, and misbehaved is still family.

If you find yourself about to utter one of the “helpful” phrases above, take it from me—don’t. Bite back the words and opt for a silent hug instead.

If you find yourself in the presence of the Pushers, Police, or Observers, don’t take it personally. They simply can’t help themselves—they have nothing better to talk about. So grab a fork, gently feed them a bite of molten lava brownie, and sneak away to the fun table while they are chewing.

The Faux Diet Queen is a Girlfriend and a Half, trying to find her Skinny Self. She promises to be absolutely truthful in this blog (although she may stretch a point now and then) and to share the good, the bad, and the frustrations of weight-loss.

How do you deal with family during the holiday? What do you do when they offer “helpful” suggestions?

Girlfriendology / Debba here: We love our girlfriends no matter what size jeans they wear or what the scales tell them if they’re brave enough to get on them. (Something I personally avoid like the plague.) But, we also want our girlfriends to be around and healthy for a long time. We’re sharing this journey that our girlfriend, FDQ (the FAB Faux Diet Queen) because it’s what girlfriends do – we go through life and diets together (and shoe shopping, and highs and lows …). Join us on her journey to fitness and good health. We’re excited for her to motivate and inspire us all!

Here’s some more Faux Diet Queen ‘adventures’. Stop back next Friday for the next installment!

• Water, water everywhere – Pass the Chardonnay
• The Faux Diet Queen Talks Turkey / Thanksgiving
• Beliefs I need to Ditch – Food Baggage
• Meet the Faux Diet Queen
• I Hate the Scale and the Scale Hates Me
• The FDQ Faces the Great Cookie Onslaught–Advice Needed!

p.s. If your food stories fall into a more serious topic, like emotional eating, we’ve got a great girlfriend for you to meet too – ELLEN SHUMAN. She’s shared great advice on emotional eating on various guest blogs and podcasts. (Her podcast on emotional eating is our #1 listened to interview so lots of us have some emotional eating issues or friends/family who do.)

One of our friends of Girlfriendology, shared her girlfriend advice and women’s wisdom in our free eBook – The Girlfriendology Guide to Holiday Girlfriend Advice. (Did you get yours yet? Plus, share it with friends – it’s FREE!). Meet PATRICIA SANDS, author of ‘The Bridge Club.’ Here she shares her women’s wisdom about having ..

HAPPY FAMILY, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Jingling bells, decorated homes and shops, holiday carols and songs, Hannukah menorahs, gingerbread houses, Italian pandoro, Polish sweets, British trifle, I love everything about the December holidays. Living in Canada where multicultural traditions are shared and celebrated, there’s something for everyone. Fun!

Our family celebrates Christmas and every year I hope for snow, particularly on Christmas Eve. Great big fluffy flakes, please! For me that is the finishing touch on what is a magical time of year.

As a youngster growing up in northern Ontario I could pretty much count on the snow. These days in Toronto, you just never know if the holidays will be white, green, or a dirty grey. But that’s just on the outside. Inside our holidays are bright and festive.

With the sounds of “Peace on earth, goodwill toward men” echoing in so many parts of the world, I always want to believe that it just might come to pass. Peace everywhere in the world. Imagine.

As the saying goes, peace begins with me. And you. Each of us in our own small way helps to make it so. I think of that when I look at my happily blended family of seven adult children, three spouses, one fiancée, one girlfriend, and, so far, six grandchildren. As planning begins for our family Christmas celebrations the logistics can appear daunting. Peace is the ultimate goal.

While our family expands, holiday demands grow with it. Parents, step-parents, and in-laws top the list and the logistical challenge begins. In the past, our entire clan spent Christmas Eve together even though it meant inconvenient travel for some. A few years ago it became obvious we were going to have to make a change. Gasp! Nooooo! We love our traditions! The idea initially went over like a lead balloon but gradually everyone agreed and Christmas Eve was celebrated a week early.

We loved it! There was far less pressure. Traffic was not such a factor. Christmas Day was more relaxed. Somehow we all felt that the spirit of Christmas stayed with us longer than just two days.

This change also allowed for Christmas Eve to be shared with others, to join in volunteer programs, or simply have time to take care of last-minute details. It all became easier to handle.

With growing numbers, the issue of gifts became tricky and expensive. Again it was difficult to break with our traditions. Again we were happy we did. As our children became adults and began having their own children, we agreed that Christmas was really about the little ones. Their gifts are placed under the tree and opened early, enjoyed and shared.

A new tradition has been evolving over the past few years for the adults. Each one brings a nice gift of an agreed-upon value. We don’t do gags, but with other groups you might want to do something crazy or theme-oriented. Whatever works. Wrapped festively (and often hilariously outrageously), the gift arrives in a green garbage bag so no one sees who brought what.

The grandchildren enjoy the task of removing the gifts from these bags and placing them on the living room floor at the appropriate time.

Numbers are drawn and our Christmas Gift Thingy (also known as a Chinese Auction or Yankee Swap and several other names) begins. The rules may be found on the Internet. Here’s one link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_elephant_gift_exchange.

We have three rounds of exchanges before the game ends. These involve much laughter and everyone takes home a cool gift. So far it’s working well for us and if we tire of it we’ll come up with something new. Flexibility rules!

After the fact we have more laughs and, often, great surprises guessing whom the purchaser was. Every year I look around the room and feel fortunate to be blessed with such a loving family. It takes honesty and caring from all to make it so.

We make certain each year that the dollars spent on a gift leave room for everyone to bring donations to the Food Bank. Filling boxes by the front door, the time we have in the following week allows this to be delivered for Christmas sharing. The grandchildren are very involved in the purchasing, packing and delivering. Counting our blessings is a large part of this.

Through the years we have taken turns at our different homes but now we tend to gather at the largest home where the grandchildren can scatter and have some fun on their own. Everyone contributes to the meal and the cleanup.

Christmas Day finds those of us together who don’t have different places they need to be. Our numbers vary and often there is room to invite other friends. No one should be alone on Christmas Day.

Somehow it all works in a very happy, uncomplicated way. Our daughters have taken over the organizing and I do whatever they suggest. Another advantage of getting older!

The world is a difficult place for many right now. We should be thinking about helping each other on a daily basis and the holiday season emphasizes this. Make it a time to do good for others that will carry on through the rest of the year. Pay it forward.

Whatever you celebrate, my hope for you is a stress-free, love and laughter filled holiday that accommodates everyone’s time, budget, and wishes. Relax and enjoy it, girlfriends!

PATRICIA SANDS lives in Toronto, Canada …well, most of the time. Her debut novel The Bridge Club was a finalist in the Foreword Reviews 2010 Book of The Year (general fiction) and 2011 Next Generation Indie Book Awards (First Novel). Currently, she is working on her next novel. (Relative to this article, she wants you to know her “real” BFF’s bridge club celebrates Christmas in July with the tree, turkey and all the trimmings. Works for them!) Visit her blog, find her on Facebook and on Twitter @Patricia_Sands

More from the wonderful PATRICIA SANDS – To have a good friend, be a good friend and our BlogTalkRadio interview with Patricia.

For more great Holiday Girlfriend Advice check out our FREE eBook – The Girlfriendology Guide to Holiday Girlfriend Advice. Have a HAPPY HOLIDAY Girlfriends!

Meet Elizabeth Patch, our Girlfriend Guru of Body Image. Elizabeth reminds us that the holidays are not about who has the most gifts or the most perfectly decorated living room. This time of year is about sharing friends and family no matter how lavish or tattered the surroundings.

So take a minute or two, girlfriend, take a deep breath, read Elizabeth’s wonderful words, and think about ways to truly enjoy the best the season has to offer.

Must buy the perfect gift!

Must bake the perfect cookies!

Must have the perfect decorations!

Must fit into the perfect holiday dress!

Must find the perfect shoes to go with the perfect dress!

Must clean my house until it is perfectly spotless!

But girlfriends,

perfection is not only impossible to achieve,

it’s exhausting!

Maybe the holidays need a little less perfectionism, and a lot more joy!

Joy doesn’t need much work to be achieved.

Joy simply finds its way into life when you let go of the need to be perfect.

Joy happens when you can laugh instead of apologize,

accept instead of reject, show compassion instead of criticism.

Can’t fit into a slinky sparkly dress?

Allow yourself to have a fabulous time no matter what size your party dress is!

Home looking a bit shabby?

Fill your home with friends, family, and laughter to create true holiday joy!

No time to bake, sew, or craft gifts for those you love?

Remember that your friends and family already know you love them!

Can’t afford the gifts that your children are begging for?

The greatest gifts are the happy memories you create spending time together.

(ask any adult: happy childhood memories are rarely about the gifts!)

Yes, an excellent meal with the perfect bottle of wine, beautiful decorations, and lovely gifts contribute to a good time, bring pleasure, and create fond memories.

But in the end, having the perfect holidays is not really about the superficial stuff you are stressing about.

It’s about the joy you experience in your heart as you share with those you love.

Wishing you much joy this holiday season!

ELIZABETH PATCH’s story is simple and touching: a high school art teacher who struggled with eating disorders, she watched in vain as a favorite student died from anorexia. Her sketchbook journals evolved into “More to Love,” an illustrated book about body image and self-esteem. Elizabeth believes that loving one’s body, no matter what size or shape, encourages positive choices for a healthier, happier life! “Women should be measured by the lives we lead, not by the size we wear!”

Elizabeth Patch is the author and illustrator of More to Love. Her inspirational writing style and adorable illustrations take a light-hearted look at the serious issues of body image and self-esteem for women of all sizes.

So girlfriend, what are your ideas for letting go of the stress and bringing holiday joy into your life?

Check out Elizabeth’s other inspiring posts – Girl talk conversations with ourselves and Holiday Craziness and Body Image Advice.

And, by the way, we LOVE guest blogs here at Girlfriendology. Have a great girlfriend story to tell? Want to celebrate your fabulous female friends? SHARE! (And, we also have Girlfriend Gurus – check that out to be featured on Girlfriendology!)

* For those of us who may struggle with food cravings or emotional eating, here’s some good girlfriend advice: Understanding Food Cravings, Emotional and Binge Eating – Girlfriend advice, Emotional Eating and Friendship and an Interview on Emotional Eating.

It’s Day 8 of our 12 Days of Friendship and we’re celebrating funny friends and the wonderful gift of laughter with the women who make us laugh on a regular basis!

What do you get when you combine fabulous drag queens, ugly Christmas Sweaters and girlfriends? A hilarious evening with friends!

My friend Penny gathered up a mini-van of girlfriends this past Sunday night for ‘Gay Bingo.’ It’s a hilarious fund-raiser for Carecole – a local non-profit that cares for families with HIV/AIDS. From the hilarious drag queen Bingo-caller (with a FABULOUS wig that ’she’ insisted was NOT a wig! Can you pick ‘her’ out in the photo above?!), to the ugly Christmas sweater contest (yes, I got one at Goodwill to wear and congrats to Penny for being a winner!), to forcing me to sing ‘Jingle Bells’ solo while collecting dollars for Carecole – it was a scream!

The friendship ‘gifts’ of the night? I got to know Penny’s girlfriends a little better. I’ve seen them all before, but now we’ve shared laughter – the kind that we’ll laugh even more about in the future. I had a fabulous, funny, memorable evening with the girls – a night away from stress or worries, thoughts about the dang holiday card that is not designed much less created yet, or any other holiday stress. It was a gift – of laughter with girlfriends!

Even if your week is hectic (whose isn’t, right?!), take some time for laughter with your girlfriends over the holidays. Find something funny to do like watch a Holiday movie (we’ve got a great Must-See Top 10 Romantic Holiday Movies list!), stop your busy schedule for a coffee or glass of wine together, bake some cookies – together, call up a long-distance friend to share your holidays – just make an effort to connect, they’ll appreciate it and you.

And come back tomorrow as we continue our 12 days of Friendship with a special reminder we all need during the holidays.

What girlfriends make you laugh? Who do you call when you need cheered up? Celebrate these great girlfriends of humor relief (:

Be the kind of friend you’d love to have!

And, come back for the next eight days as we look at more of the great gifts of friendship.

• Day 1: Knowing friends are there for you
• Day 2: Celebrating our Cheerleader/Supportive Girlfriends
• Day 3: Girlfriend Traditions
• Day 4: The Gift of Memories with Friends
• Day 5: The Gift of Forgiveness
• Day 6: Having Things in Common
• Day 7: Sharing Adventures Together
  

More Fun Stuff:

• Check out these 25 Girlfriend Gifts under $25
• Sign up for our Newsletter & get FREE eBook (Plus entered in contest to win $25 Starbucks gift cards)
• Daily Girlfriend Gifts and SHOES!

However, as Girlfriend Guru JENNIFER HALL points out, that is the last thing we should do. We are girlfriends, not life police. Our friends need our support and friendship most when they make dramatic changes. How do you keep from being judgmental about your friends’ choices?

I’m going to try very hard to impart some well-meaning Girlfriend advice without sounding preachy. I hope you will bear with me.

We’ve all heard the horror stories about how spiteful and vindictive women can be, unfortunately, to their fellow women. Perhaps you’ve even been a victim of, or participated in, such behavior.

These things are not OK.

I feel inspired to write about this during this festive time of year in the hopes that your hearts will be open to it.

We women can gain either strength OR weakness from each other. It should ONLY be strength. A very important component of friendship is acceptance. This means we should not judge one another.

Your girlfriend doesn’t parent the same way you do? So what? The new friend you made in PTA isn’t a good housekeeper? Big deal. Your best friend from high school loves tattoos and you don’t? To each their own. Your college roommate has decided to quit her job in order to “find herself”? Good for her!

Something bigger than mere personality or temperament differences? Perhaps fundamental value, moral, religious or political views? Still, no judgment is necessary.

The thing is, we can all learn from each other. In fact, we’re meant to. Being exposed to different ideas, lifestyles and beliefs is good for us. And you can love a friend who is vastly different from you just as much as one with whom you have a myriad things in common.

This should also be extended to major life changes—even when a friend makes questionable choices. You can feel how you feel about those things, but your number one job as a good girlfriend is to simply be there. Listen, support, encourage, and advise when asked. But even when giving advice to your friend, it should not be laced with judgment.

This is so hard to do! It takes practice. Keeping in mind that no one is perfect and each of us has issues and reasons for the way we are and the things we do will help.

Do you want to be judged? My guess is no. So don’t do it. On the other hand, don’t beat yourself up if you slip and find yourself wearing your judgey pants. Shake it off and tweek your perspective, reminding yourself of the kind of friend you want to be.

I guarantee you will become a better friend if you can set your judgments aside.

JENNIFER HALL is a SAHM of a daughter and a son, married to a diabetic on dialysis. She enjoys knitting, scrapbooking, reading, and TV. She’s visually impaired and describes herself as anxious, traumatized, dorky, funny, real, and says her “life is a roller coaster and I’m blogging my way through it all!” As an only child, her Girlfriends are like sisters to her. She believes in learning, growing, living, loving, and laughing. She is grateful.

What choices have you found easy to accept? What decisions have your friends made that were much more difficult to think about in a bias-free way? How do you support your girlfriends even when they make choices you’re not sure are the right ones?

Jennifer is one of our gorgeous, great Girlfriend Gurus – which means she shares her girlfriend insights and inspiration here on Girlfriendology every month. Want to join her and the dozens of other Girlfriend Gurus who we love to feature on Girlfriendology? (Visit Girlfriend Gurus.) Here’s another great blog post by Jennifer: Finding Mom Friends and Make time for YOU, Plan a GNO / Girl’s Night Out!

Other friendship girlfriend advice:

• Supporting girlfriends through unconventional decisions
• Are your social media girlfriends real friends?
• Girlfriend advice for Step-Moms
• It takes a village – women supporting women

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love!
Hamilton Wright Mabie

Wow. This is the week. The week we celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah. The time of the year that we spend time with friends and family, the season where we all (hopefully) forget our differences and enjoy our common bonds of friendship, family and love. Our annual exercise in giving gifts to those special to us. Our traditions of spending time with people we love – and even co-workers we don’t necessarily love. It’s a wild week wrapping up stress, expectations and traffic, memories, miracles and miles to grandmother’s house we go.

Whatever holiday you celebrate during this season of candles and light, of presents and presence, whatever your traditions for gift-giving, friend and family gathering, or fruitcake vs. iced cookies … celebrate this season of love. Be thankful for the amazing people that make our lives brighter every day of the year. Experience the warmth of friends and family. Relive memories and smile. Be there for your friends who may have sad memories or experiences at the holidays or in the last year.

In my home it’s ‘Merry Christmas‘ and in my dear friend (and our ‘Chief of Insanely Brilliant Ideas’ – Judi Cogen)’s house it’s ‘Happy Hanukkah.’ And, I have dear friends who merely celebrate ‘Happy Holidays!‘ Whatever you celebrate – may you feel loved, may you be near friends and family who love you, and may you make memories for a lifetime. You are loved girlfriend. Thanks for all you do for your friends and family – at the holidays and throughout the year!

From Girlfriendology this week:

• Girlfriend Advice for the Holidays – From recipes to frugal advice to tips on removing stress – we’ve got your girlfriend advice!
• 25 Girlfriend Gifts for under $25 – For some last minute girlfriend gift ideas
• Girlfriend Gifts and Shoes of the Day - Every day!
• Girlfriend Cruise Advice – AKA: Little Black Dress advice
• The Faux Diet Queen - Cookie Onslaught, needing Girlfriend Advice
• Girlfriend Advice on Last Minute Shopping – by Gift Guru Laura Smith
• Helping your Parents sell the Family Home – Girlfriend Guru Advice from Cathy Perry
• Quick Changes for a Festive Look – by Girlfriend Guru Donna Gamache
• LISTEN IN to our great interview with Laura Smith on Last Minute Gift Shopping Girlfriend Advice

We’re celebrating the 12 Days of Friendship:

• Day 1: Knowing friends are there for you
• Day 2: Celebrating our Cheerleader/Supportive Girlfriends
• Day 3: Girlfriend Traditions
• Day 4: The Gift of Memories with Friends
• Day 5: The Gift of Forgiveness
• Day 6: Having Things in Common
• Day 7: Sharing Adventures/Travels Together

Whatever you celebrate in your home – Have a Happy ___________! Love ya Girlfriend!

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