When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.  ~Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally

It is wonderful when a girlfriend asks you for help, isn’t it? (We don’t think it happens often enough. We’re not very good at asking for help, are we?) We love being able to be there for a friend, giving her the help, support, love she needs no matter what day it is.

Her wedding day is all that more wonderful a day to share. It is such an honor when someone asks us to be part of the meaningful experiences in her life. Girlfriend Guru ARLETT R. HARTIE had the opportunity to share in a girlfriend’s wedding and offers her advice on how to make it a wonderful, memorable event for everyone.

On September 1^st I had the privilege of sharing in one of the most important events in my friend’s life.  I was honored to stand up with her as she said “I Do” and became a Married Lady   This was my first time being a bridesmaid or part of a bridal party.  From this experience here are my tips for how to have or give your girlfriends a Joyful bridesmaid experience.

Bridesmaids:

Remember that it is not about you!  While you are an important factor in the wedding, remember that it is not your wedding.   Everything should be the way the bride and groom would want.  The theme, decor, and even the bridesmaid’s dress should be their taste and not yours.  Even if the dress is but ugly (luckily mine wasn’t) suck it up.  Besides if you aren’t willing to wear something that your friend loves for one day then maybe you are not close enough to the couple to be a bridesmaid after all.

It can be expensive to be a bridesmaid.   You will have to purchase a dress, shoes, and accessories.  You may also need your hair and makeup done.  You, along with the maid of honor and other bridesmaids, will be responsible for the Bridal Shower and Bachelorette party.  If you don’t think you can afford to participate be honest and upfront with the bride as soon as possible.  Do not insist you can do it and then fail to do your share at the last minute leaving other members of the Bridal party to unexpectedly cover for you.

Don’t get carried away with the Bridal Shower.  Refer to Number 1, it’s not about you.  So what if you envision a grand, formal bridal shower complete with cucumber sandwiches and caviar? If the Bride and Groom are having a simple and intimate wedding, the shower should reflect that. The shower should complement and never overshadow the wedding.  It should give the guests an idea of what to expect for the wedding.

Be reliable.  Do what you say you are going to do.  Don’t make the bride have to worry about if you are going to show up and do your part. Get your dress timely.  Show up and be on time for bridesmaids meetings, rehearsals, fittings, and any other events.

Have fun.  Enjoy the bachelorette party, wedding, bridal shower, and any other events as much as possible.  Do things to reduce your stress.  Communicate with your bride and bridal party members about what you are comfortable and not comfortable doing.  Remember when you are stressed that it will be worth it when your friend is happy on her wedding day.

Brides:

While the wedding is all about you and it is your day, your bridesmaids’ feelings and opinions are important too.  Keep in mind their budgets and body types when picking out their dresses.  Go for styles that are classic and flatter all body types. Maybe pick your favorite two dresses and give your party a choice of their favorites.  Try to keep the costs as low as possible keeping in mind all of the things that will add up for them.

Be open and clear.  Let your bridal party know what you expect from them.  Tell them what you will and will not need their help with.  If you are not sure what tasks are and are not appropriate then do a little research.  The internet is full of tips.  One site I like is theknot.com

Make sure you express your vision.  Don’t make your bridesmaids have to guess at what you would like or not like for your bridal shower and bachelorette party.  Let them know what the theme and feel of your wedding is.  They should know how formal or informal will it be.  This will help them with their planning.

Don’t be a Bridezilla!  Do not place extraordinary or unrealistic demands on your bridal party.  Remember that they have accepted your invitation to be part of your wedding because they love you and want you to have a good day. Therefore it should not be necessary for you to become a dictator. Treat them how you would want to be treated.  If you are not sure watch the show Bridezilla (http://www.wetv.com/shows/bridezillas) and do exactly the opposite of their featured Brides.

Be appreciative.  Tell your Bridesmaids thank you and let them know that you appreciated their hard work.  Make sure they know how much their presence in your day means to you.

Have you ever been a bridesmaid or part of a bridal party?  What tips can you add to help your girlfriends have a Joyful bridesmaid experience?

ARLETT R HARTIE is the author of the blog Chasing Joy. Arlette’s writing focuses on her efforts to find happiness after a rough time in her life, and hold on to it through all of life’s ups and downs.  She writes about all things related to joy, positivity, and gratitude.  She is a daughter, sister, auntie, and Girlfriend.

What is your best advice for brides and bridesmaids?

THANKS ARLETT for sharing your great girlfriend wisdom. Check out Arlette’s previous guest blogs:

• Girlfriend’s Guide to Goals
• Are you too independent to be a good Girlfriend?
• 10 Joyful Summer Ideas for Girlfriends
• Ever want to be Her?
• It’s Your Birthday / Joyful Advice
• The Joy of Girlfriend Get-togethers
• Mirror Mirror Girlfriend Inspiration.

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