When I look at my friends, I see their beauty. I notice the way they smile, which makes me smile. The sound of their voice, the concern and support they offer, their kind spirit and loving presence in my life – I feel extremely blessed and happy. Life is good, with your friends by your side.
I don’t always feel the same for myself. I see the wrinkles, the flaws, the older (and still crooked) smile. I fail to acknowledge my accomplishments and focus more on the things I wish I had achieved. I can’t accept a compliment and question my strength.
It’s weird isn’t it. We can see beauty in others but sometimes struggle to find it inside ourselves.
Spirituality Girlfriend Guru LISA SARICK has this advice on being a better friend to the woman who lives in our body and who sometimes doesn’t see what others see in her.
Be careful how hard you are on your self. It may put a distance in your friendships.
It’s not often talked about directly.
But it’s there.
I have a friend whose house is meticulously clean. She cannot tolerate a dish in the sink or a crumb on the floor. She has dogs, but half-poodle mixes so that they don’t shed.
“What does she think when she comes to my house?” I ponder.
If she’s coming over I need a couple of hours to clean first so that I will feel comfortable when she’s there. I would be mortified if she ever just popped in on me. Not that I live in squalor, just that the usual state of things around here would not meet the standards she holds at her home. I know that she doesn’t hold me to those standards. I know she loves me unconditionally, and yet…
I have another friend who is overweight. She has said how hard it is to hear another one in our circle talk about hating her own body, struggling with her weight. She feels immediately judged as another is disapproving of herself.
And there’s the friend who can’t rest because she feels lazy, useless, and unaccomplished… despite all she has accomplished as a businesswoman, a mom, and a person. How would you feel if she called and caught you napping?
Maybe it’s just projection or insecurities.
Or maybe we are all connected at a deep level and what we do to ourselves we do to one another.
In any case when we wear the super-judgmental-vision glasses when looking at our own lives, homes, bodies, situations, our friends fear that we might be wearing those same glasses while looking at them… even if we see our friends as whole, lovely, and doing just fine.
- What if you looked at yourself as you look at a friend?
- What if you said to yourself what you would say to a friend in that same circumstance?
- What if you offered unconditional love and understanding to yourself, the same love and understanding you give your friends?
- What if you were your own friend?
Perhaps then you would be an even better friend to others.
So be your own friend, for Friendship’s sake.
LISA SARICK (A.K.A. Rev. Lisa) is an Interfaith Minister, Yoga Instructor, and Spiritual Guide. She guides people seeking peace to go beyond the limits of their minds to the freedom of their spirit. She holds 1-on-1 sessions, officiates ceremonies, and founded Moon Circle, an online gathering for women friends. Her home on the web is LisaSarick.com.
Thanks LISA! And thanks for sharing these other Girlfriend Guru blog posts:
- Blessing for a Friendship
- The Gift of Being Unsure
- Helping Girlfriends Move Forward
- Birthday Ritual Celebration Ideas
- Moon Circle | A Girlfriend Love Story
- Advice for little Girlfriends | 10 Things They Need to Know
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