It’s the Fourth of July! Happy Birthday America! And to all our girlfriends celebrating the Red, White, and Blue today, have a wonderful, safe day.
As we get ready for parades and cookouts and families and friends, it’s a time to be thankful for the freedoms we have, both by virtue of living in a land of liberty and by being strong women surrounded by supportive friends who help us live life to the fullest.
Girlfriend Guru ARLETT R. HARTIE takes a look at the various gifts and stumbling steps of being independent in her post this month. What do you think, girlfriend? Can we be too independent? What is your advice for Arlette?
July is the month full of red white and blue, fireworks, and barbecues. It is a time for parades and community displays as we celebrate the United States’ Birthday.
Today we celebrate the 4th of July! Independence Day! In addition to thinking about what barbecues I might attend, I have been thinking about the word Independence. Independence is the quality or state of being independent. Independent is defined as not subject to control by others, not requiring or relying on something else or others, and not looking to others for one’s opinions or for guidance in conduct.
I have prided myself on my independence. I love the fact that I have my own house, got my own car, a good job, and work hard. I’m a bad broad. LOL these are song lyrics but they do describe me. I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T yeah that’s me. So as we celebrate the United States’ Independence I am thinking about my own. How blessed I am to have it and how freeing it is to not be controlled by others, have to rely on others or look to others for opinions and guidance.
However (you ever notice that there is always a however, but, or although?), as I think about my life and my relationships I am wondering: am I too Independent? I have often been saddened that I do not have the closeness or the types of relationships that I want with others. I have lots of girlfriends but have frequently felt that I am not quite in their inner circle, more of a good friend than a close friend. Could my Independence be in the way of me having the type of relationships I want? Am I too Independent to have great Girlfriend connections?
One of the things Independent girls like myself have to remember is just because you do not have to require or rely on others that does not mean you can’t or shouldn’t. Just because you do not need to look to others for their opinions or guidance does not mean that they don’t have much to offer. Part of being a good Girlfriend is allowing your girls to be good Girlfriends to you.
Acknowledging that you require your Girlfriends to be there for you, relying on them for support, entertainment, encouragement, honesty etc., and looking to them for opinions and guidance does not mean you are being controlled by them or giving up independence in any way. When you require your Girlfriends to be there for you, it holds them accountable and strengthens the commitment to the friendship. When you rely on your Girlfriends for support, entertainment, encouragement, honesty, etc. it builds trust and a stronger bond within the friendship. When you look to your friends for their opinions or guidance it shows them that you trust them, value them, and believe in the friendship.
Let your Independence be a great pillar of confidence and security not a wall that keeps your Girlfriends out. Learn to lean on them in a way that is appropriate. Require them to be there for you, rely on them for support, entertainment, encouragement, and honesty, and look to them for opinions and guidance in their areas of expertise. Then reciprocate and do the same for them. Learn to be strong Independent women together so you can have a more Joyful Girlfriendship
Girlfriends, are you like me? Have you let your independence interfere with your Girlfriend relationships? If so, how will you work on your relationships while maintaining your independence? If you are not like me and have exactly the relationships you want with your girls while being I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T just like me, what advice can you offer the rest of us looking for this type of balance?
ARLETT R HARTIE is the author of the blog Chasing Joy. Arlette’s writing focuses on her efforts to find happiness after a rough time in her life, and hold on to it through all of life’s ups and downs. She writes about all things related to joy, positivity, and gratitude. She is a daughter, sister, auntie, and Girlfriend.
- 10 Joyful Summer Ideas for Girlfriends
- Ever want to be Her?
- It’s Your Birthday / Joyful Advice
- The Joy of Girlfriend Get-togethers
- Mirror Mirror Girlfriend Inspiration.
By the way, we LOVE guest blogs here at Girlfriendology. Have a great girlfriend story to tell? Want to celebrate your fabulous female friends? SHARE! (And, we also have Girlfriend Gurus – check that out to be featured on Girlfriendology!)
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