Chocolate is the answer.  Who cares what the question is.  ~Author Unknown

When was the last time you had to pull off a last minute project? (For many of us, it was about five minutes ago, right Girlfriend?) Sometimes those down-to-the-wire efforts yield surprisingly wonderful results. At other times, the cookie crumbles when we don’t quite get it right.

The Faux Diet Queen had one of those last minute gotta-do-it events and–not surprisingly–it did not go as smoothly as she might have hoped. Also not surprisingly, she found herself laughing at the whole thing. We hope you’ll laugh along.

The Faux Diet Queen (or as we affectionately call her, FDQ) has agreed to share her latest (and last) weight loss journey with us as a regular feature at Girlfriendology. We hope you’ll join us to cheer her on, nudge her back on track when she strays, and generally giggle along.

First of all, I should clarify. This isn’t really a “how-to.” It’s actually more of a “how not to.” Because there were some very clear Flaws In My Plan.

But let me start at the beginning.

Did I tell you I’ve decided to go on a sugar-free diet? Not easy, but I last week I decided I was ready. Seriously. Stop laughing.

About three hours after I made this momentous decision, one of the kids announced that she HAD to bring something for the soccer team Saturday morning. “Huh?” The Child rolled her eyes and explained slowly, “It’s my birthday. I have to bring something. Everyone Does.”

Not wanting to fly in the face of “Everyone Does” and cause my kid to lose social standing for the remainder of her high school years, I mentally shrugged and decided to make Oreo Pops. I’d seen the idea on Pinterest and figured it couldn’t be that hard. I thought about looking up a recipe, but that seemed like a waste of time and effort.

The best laid plans…

So here is what actually happened:

Step 1. Buy lollipop sticks (check), white melty candy things (check), blue sprinkles (the team’s colors are blue and white. Check), and Oreos (check).

Manage not to eat any of the Oreos before getting home. Celebrate by having an Oreo. Begin to suspect there might be a Flaw In The Plan.

Shoo everyone out of the kitchen.

Step 2. Cut slits in the bottom of six zillion paper cups because it seems like a Brilliant Way to stand up the cookie pops while the melty stuff sets up. Smile with pride at the sheer genius of this plan.

Step 3. Put the sticks into the Oreos. Attempt to put sticks into the Oreos. Realize that Regular Oreos are not thick enough. Wish you had gotten Double Stuff. Eat an Oreo while contemplating the situation.

Move the cookie part around and get one cookie on a stick. Smile with pride at this accomplishment. Attempt another. Break cookie. Eat the cookie to destroy the evidence.

Step 4. Melt the dipping candy. Dip first cookie into melted candy. Watch as cookie plops off stick into the candy. Begin to suspect there are Serious Flaws In The Plan. Teach dog several four letter words.

Carefully scoop candy over the next cookie. Crow with delight at the candy-coated Oreo. Put into the bottom of a Dixie cup. Watch as the whole thing falls over. Begin writing a blog called “A Flaw In The Plan” in your head. Allow kid to eat the evidence. Feel insanely virtuous at not eating that particular Oreo.

Step 5. Figure out complicated methodology for standing up the cookie pops by using a highball glass.

Step 6. Figure out an easy way of knocking over all the pops when you accidentally move one.

Step 7. Eventually produce enough cookie pops for the team.

For Next Time: Would I do this again? Absolutely. Would I do it differently? Absolutely. For starters, I’d use Double Stuff Oreos. I don’t think I’d use popsicle sticks the way some pictures show because I really like the look of lollipop sticks. But I would definitely first use a little of the melted candy or chocolate to “glue” the cookie to the stick and wait to dunk the whole thing until after the “glue” part dried. (If you’ve ever made these, I’d seriously appreciate your tips and tricks!)

Fun facts about Oreo: On March 6, 2012, Oreo turned 100 years old. The Faux Diet Queen and Girlfriendology are planning a belated celebration. Hope you’ll join us, girlfriend!

The Faux Diet Queen is a Girlfriend and a Half, trying to find her Skinny Self. When she is not recording her weight loss journey from an Oreo Cookie Pop induced sugar coma, she is constantly on the search for ways to improve the trip back to her smaller jeans. You can generally find her here on Girlfriendology.com on Fridays.

We want to know: How should we celebrate Oreo’s 100th birthday? We want your ideas, girlfriend (because we know you are smart and creative!).

Girlfriendology / Debba here: We love our girlfriends no matter what size jeans they wear or what the scales tell them if they’re brave enough to get on them. (Something I personally avoid like the plague.) But, we also want our girlfriends to be around and healthy for a long time. We’re sharing this journey that our girlfriend, FDQ (the FAB Faux Diet Queen) because it’s what girlfriends do – we go through life and diet together (and shoe shopping, and highs and lows …). Join us on her journey to fitness and good health. We’re excited for her to motivate and inspire us all!

Here’s some more Faux Diet Queen ‘adventures.’ Stop back next Friday for the next installment!

• Eating for the Holidays
• How NOT to help a Dieter
• Coffee Commentary
• Top Ten Reasons I Can Believe I’m Beautiful | Food Free Thoughts
• Top Ten Reasons Chocolate is Good
• New Math, Funny Calories, and Food Labels
• Rituals, Coffee Time, and Me
• Valentine’s Day | Non-fattening Ideas
• It’s a Cinch—Sort of | Diet Review
• I am Ashamed of Myself | Confession and Resolve
• Food Beliefs I Have to Ditch Part II – More Food Baggage
• Year End Interview — Girlfriendology Talks to the Faux Diet Queen
• Diet Re-Launch for the New Year
• ‘Tis the Night Before New Year — A Story
• Water, water everywhere – Pass the Chardonnay
• The Faux Diet Queen Talks Turkey / Thanksgiving
• Beliefs I need to Ditch – Food Baggage
• Meet the Faux Diet Queen
• I Hate the Scale and the Scale Hates Me
• The FDQ Faces the Great Cookie Onslaught–Advice Needed!
• Food Pushers and Food Police

By the way, we LOVE guest blogs here at Girlfriendology. Have a great girlfriend story to tell? Want to celebrate your fabulous female friends? SHARE! (And, we also have Girlfriend Gurus – check that out to be featured on Girlfriendology!)

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